Scrappys

Getting it in.

2011-12-17T21:03:00.004-05:00

Well guys and gals, its been long enough, once again N to the J like yeast will rise to the occasion and make another notch in the blog tree. Lets get right into it. First the weather is really fucked up, for 3 days i can kick it like a soccer ball in my shorts and t shirts. Next thing you know its 3 days of sweaters and jackets and shivering my ass off. Mother nature might be on her period yo. Next, who the fuck thought that the guy who ran a pizza chain internationally would make a good president. I mean really? That dude looked as dumb as them hoes who was trying to holla back at him once he made the GOP. But fuck that shit, i mean im sure any dude stuck managing all of the pizza places in America would get horny and hit on some chicks. But you cant do all that and try our for the white house either. Come to think about it, i still hate bush too. Fuck him with a hot iron trident. Twice. In the other news, people still think global warming is a myth. I'd like to take that guy to Canada and make him take hike up all the mountains that dont have any more ice on them. But lets not wander to far into the muckity muck of shit that sucks. Today were gonna brush up on gettin it in. See you may not know it, (and Im sure lots of you do know) that we all get it in one way or another. You ever get your work out on and you actually feel good enough to kill a man, you may have just got it in. Now if your ride's fuckin up and you fix it good enough to keep killinit for a good minute, nigga you just got it in. If you reading this while your girl is tripping and you aint giving a shit, you sir, are getting it in as you read. Tonight germs and gents thats all the flavor you can savor for now. Ill be back sooner than later to kick it with ya's once more. Dont eat it if it still moving. Ya boy's out!!!!

The savage beast within.

2011-04-03T16:57:00.005-04:00

I once heard a phrase or saying that went, "music to soothe the savage beast," i like that alot, makes me think of the music i indulge in on a regular basis. That thought in itself almost seems cheap due to the fact that i myself am a huge lover of almost all types of music world wide. So moving right along sportsfans, you have to know that music can make ya hate the world, ease you into a nap, or just let ya know you my be totally alone and thats still ok. My all time favorite band is Korn, but my favorite listening music of all time is Rammstein. Nothing like the guitar riffs in there music makes me feel more at home. One of the best things about music (to me anyways) is that it is the most versatile things to ever exist. One of the best examples that i can think just off the top of my head is from the movie call the shawshank redemption. The protagonist plays some italian opera music and the whole place almost feels as though they have had the smallest taste of freedom in the longest time. Though some music seems almost seems like a complete waste of time and effort. (that spears bitch and those emo fuckers). For now fellow scrapians i gotta secure some food from a guy named Jimmy last name Johns. Peace you fuckers, and in the words of the old nintendo commercials, Play it Loud.

Mandatory Breeding Laws

2011-02-22T08:55:00.001-05:00

Ok, gents and gentiles, like the salad said to the bowl, "lettuce rest im feeling beet." Of all the truths that your boy holds sacred, none are so much more important than that of the title. Mandatory Breeding Laws, reason(s) being are listed as follows.

First, we are well over populated with some dumb ass motherfuckers, Im sure you all know a few more than you should. Having said that, regulation of the amount of dumb asses your allowed to put out would be ideal in order to restrict the flow of stupidity amongst the masses that will one day rule this world. Now when you read the news here recently you'll prolly see a few head lines about how the majority of the kids/adolescents/teenagers, aren't faring too well with newer and more innovative technology, jobs based here in the states being out sourced because of the lack of properly educated professionals to hold these positions down, all of this due to the fact that the world is festering with unwholesome parenting.

The next problem is over population, the problem in itself is just that we all like to bone, me, you, him, her, them, everybody likes to get it in. The problem there is being responsible enough to keep your boys from heading right up stream. Some use pills, some just spread it like peanut but are unwilling to accept the fact that what they have done is just down right shameful. Then you have the selected few who are more than willing to be responsible and even go the whole nine yards to raise a family and make certain that their children know what respect is and the concept of those around you. Something we all as people should have known about since we were able to understand the concept of "me".

Last but most certainly not the least of all, the food, if you calculate it just right, we need to produce the same amount of food in the next 50 years that we have already produced in the past 800 years. That is some sincere shit there. But let us not fret and keep in mind that waste makes haste. Alot of shit has to change for the human populous to live on as the dominant species of this planet, and nothing magical is gonna happen to produce this chain of events that needs to take place. It must come from each and every one of us living and breathing it up all the while taking it for granted. This the man known as Nikia Jonez, you've been informed, now do something worth while or just die doing nothing. Either way we can only hope that its not too late for us all.

The Big TWO SIX

2011-01-29T20:33:00.002-05:00

Well gang its that time again. time to fill yall in on whats going down here in the deep and dirty south. mostly it has been way to cold this winter. coldest i can remember in some time. coming up in just a couple weeks ill have yet another birthday. 26 years of age ill be then. not old yet but getting there. in my time here in the great state of georgia many great and terrible things have happened. i think when i was 19 was the best year. or at least the most action packed. i went to college the first time, got away from the moms for the first time, was on my own for the first time. it was pretty crazy. id have to say 23 was the worst. not that any of them were really bad but 23 i remember the least about. probably because nothing really exciting happened. well i did have 6 jobs that year, but not because thats what i wanted. and come tax time it really sucked. moving forward things are on the up and up though. back in the schooling, doing my accounting thing. anytime you want to discuss the merits of the LIFO and FIFO inventory accounting systems just let me know. itll be an invigorating discussion. got some ribs, or maybe some steaks, planned for the big day. and dont yall forget tommy week starts next weekend on the 6th, so get your tommy shirts and tommy flags and let the spirit out!

ThunderCat HOES!!!!!!

2011-01-12T21:19:00.002-05:00

What up gang. I must apologize for my absence, however as we all know, sometimes shit gets real. Anyhow i was driving down the road the other day and i was thinking about how much i like the thundercats, and how they say thundercats HO!!!! and then i thought what about an escort service called thundercat hoes!!!!!! First would be Cougra, an older yet still sexy escort looking for the youngsters. Then there would be Cheetara, a hottie who looks just like Cheetara from the original thundercats. Next would be The Siamese and the Gato, an asian chick in a cat suit and a latin chick in a cat suit, respectively. My Escort service would be more popular than the playboy mansion. and that is pretty popular. there are surely more clever names that i could have come up with however i was almost home when i thought of it yesterday and now its almost time to get off work. if you have suggestions for names and maybe some examples of what youd like to see at my service. but its time to blow this pop stand so as always be easy on the peasy and ill try to to be such a stranger anymore.

ps. the stranger is the leading cause of carpal tunnel.

A rose by any other name

2011-01-09T13:25:00.003-05:00

Ok, ladies and gents, first i apologize in the lapse here at scrappys as sometimes we all catch a case of the "fuck its". Even when it comes to our blog of choice chock full of the flavor you can savor. Having said that, lets just jump right in the foreign waters of todays blog of choice. Names, namely my first name. In the days of recess and pogs, fucking with my name got you slap punched, and sometimes (due to those who would tell on you in a heartbeat) a joke to do with the opposing persons name would usually do the trick as well. Now having said that, let us analyze and interpret said name. Jesus, not the guy from the "good book" but [hay-zues]. Now the reason that this shit is so goddamn funny is that the unexposed breed of uncultured people in the world today automatically start yelling "that's blasphemy" and "who would name there child after our lord?" Now thats usually the classic response almost each time someone "uncultured" encounters my name. Then there's the brothas and sistas, we always try to have fun with the shit, one time in particular wasnt so funny, as i sit in a doctors waiting room, i see him come to the door, squint, look at the room full of people, squint again, and shout "Jesus" (and no not the above pronunciation either) I stand and slowly approach the doc, and the loudest most ghetto ass black lady imaginable simply stands and asks (out loud at the top of her lungs mind you) "boy what you doing walking around looking like that being named Jesus ?!?!" (at the time i was about 220 lbs. and had long ass hair), but all the same the embarrassment soon ensued and there was nothing left to do but simply inform her that I myself had not chosen such an awesome name the day i was born, rather it was just given to me before my real dad checked out of our lives for good. All in all its usually just damn funny when the name comes about, there's even some cool ass nicknames that I've acquired over the years. But thats all i got for ya's today killas. Yall hold it down and keep ya towels folded.

Beef

2010-11-23T18:25:00.003-05:00

OK, so today i have en tasked myself with a rather perplexing situation. It starts with an old friend of mine name "Goofy". Cool guy, hard worker, liked by all his peers, and a funny ass motherfucker. But as all sad stories go in life, Goofy met a terrible terrible terrible terrible end. Goofy passed on to the next life in a ditch, hands full on grass and dirt as he tried to pull himself up and look for help and make sure his attacker was far far away. The attacker in question was a typical redneck ass white bread racist punk mother fucker in a white ass town that doesn't like anyone that doesn't match in skin tone. Having stated that, this particular ass hole accidentally hit my boy with his truck. Goofy was hurt and laying there and he realized that the dude wasn't dead, so, he brick him to death. Literally, he beat goofy with a brick he had in the back of his truck, threw him in said ditch and moved right along. What really burns my briquettes is the fact that absolutely nothing at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever happened to this fucker because Goofy's family, (or those who would've had to press charges) don't live in the state of GA. Upon further investigation the cops actually helped him out so that nothing but the accident would be all he was held accountable for. Today this human pile of shit was staring me in the face as i logged onto facebook, i sat contemplating what course of action to take. Or if i should even bother, ya know, letting sleeping dogs lie and the like. But at the same time this friend of mine died at the hands of this scott free ass hole, that's not something I'm just willing to charge to the game. Deaths gotta be easy because life is hard, but to be brought to death's door and forgotten about? No way, no man has been born better off dead, in fact Goofy had more reasons to live than said cocksucker ever will. Well my friends, forgive your enemies, but never forget there names.

Terd Fergusons

2010-11-08T21:01:00.002-05:00

Hello again gang, sorry it has once again been so long. the shit has been going down lately. no too crazy but more than any man needs. just started back to good old school again, and it sucks ass. the lady is rocking her scrubs and doing her vet tech thing. one of these days i have high hopes that we will be super rich. but who knows. being way out in the country makes keeping in touch much harder than i originally though. but anyhow now that im done filling yall in on whats going down, it is time to discuss the title of this here blog post. Terd Fergusons. they are everywhere you look. people who are just beyond cheap, cant let anything go. it can be annoying but then if you just remember that they are terd fergusons and then you let them know that they are terd fergusons it tends to make life a little smoother. some people are just douches and when we tell them, it makes us feel better. alrighty gang, well i dont have much tonite, but i will be back to it sooner than you think. tall be easy on the peasy and to all you terd fergusons out there fuck you

My Sentiments

2010-10-30T13:28:00.003-04:00

Well ladies and ladiesmen, here we are, you the blog, a computer of some sorts. Getting right down to the stank on the skank, the title of this particular blog is just what this segment is all about. My sentiments; you see not being intimidated by confrontation always leaves a certain amount of openess to other problems that being bluntly honest or unmindful of some one elses little feelings will incite. But dont get it twisted, under just the right circumstances, I may for go giving a fuck just to lay it down to you. To put it in perspective, you will never hear me say "i hate to tell you" cause i dont, if it needs to be said, Im'll fuckin say it. Being that as it may, when it comes to family ya boy has to bite his tounge and take a different route all together. Its a long slippery slope when it comes to family you really care about and something is foul. (and PLEASE beleive me when i say ladies and gents, i aint talking chicken when i say foul). The point of all of this info is to enlighten you the reader, on a subject that has turned my insides out and made me question my own way in life and the decisions i have made thus far. But in the end i feel as though they've made me a little bitch in the process. So here i stand alone once again, thinking "fuck it" there all better off dead by far. But this is my family, what the hell am i thinking this wayabout the people who have instilled the very foundation of all that i hold sacred? There it is, back to square one. If my dear old grandma was still in action i already know these things would have come and passed a long time ag, but without her guidance and wisdom im almost left with an open sore that i can only hope heals soon, one that i call my heart. So their it is gals and gal pals, some more of that ol bullshit infesting upon the mind of the man known as Nikia Jones. No haters (please) i got moves to make, ya'll keep killinit.

Korn

2010-10-04T17:18:00.003-04:00

Hello ladies and germs, hope all is ship shape. Getting right into the mix with that flavor you can savor, i gotta tell all about my favorite band of all time. The newer material is a little bit of a let down compared to the cool shit i came up listening to. Back then TRL was hosted by carson daly who had yet to be bought out by the man, he even sported black nail polish and held it down for bands like korn, limp bizkit, TOOL, even the Wu-Tang. (Watch ya step kid) But back to the nitty gritty, my all time favorite song is Got the Life. It says alot by jusy saying so very little. Which if you have come to terms with the atmospheric pressure of the seaport styled blog you already know that suttle shuffle is just the G in somebody. The coolest thing about the band in itself is the videos, almost all the old school animated videos have been drawn by todd mcfarlane himself. (the creative genius behind spawn) Any and everytime i sit for a good listen to the enigma that is korn all i can think about is the cool shit i did while jamming hard to the best of there music. Driving my hoopty, smacking my girlfriend on the ass when it was still a big thrill. Rolling my first spliff, and doing it on the hood of a car in the middle of the night. Memories. Sometimes its all we got, and sometimes its all you want to forget. To all of you out there, be easy hold it down, and smack some ass.

Anticipating

2010-09-02T19:07:00.002-04:00

Well sportsfans, the real sportsfans, its just about that time, beer t.v. and some motha fuckin football. I myself will be looking forward to some serious time with an old friend and the practice of the most brutal sport with him, all my good pals in the sandbox will riding high and feelin fly come the end of this month. All in all its just a good time in the life and times of the man known as Nikia Jones, then of course those tasty morsels of cheekiness from the gun man himself. I did stumble upon something rather cool. Yeah i know, its the shit. Moving right along, you gotta check out the new machete movie, its gonna be filled with all kind of cool ass pencas. Yeah. Its gonna be the shit! In other news apparently you only get a ticket in Effingham county for a zone on a routine traffic stop. Also its still illegal to be brown and proud, so fuck the man and his plan. Last but not least, there's the snitches, one that beleive that they appear as plain as one does in there everyday casual wear, but the scent of pork is far too over bearing to even conceive letting your guard down. Thats all for now citizens of gotham, slack a little and hold it down, ya boy is out.

The Knight Rider car

2010-08-24T14:09:00.003-04:00

Well gang im back once again and it is of course totally awesome. I have been working the morning shift lately and my boss is all up in my ass so i cant get as much blogging done as i would like. luckily i have an excellent topic to day so you will get quality instead of quantity. Let me ask you a question, what is the coolest car ever? The answer is Kitt the car from knight rider. what a bad ass car, it had the red light in the front that let you know the car was talking, it went fast, if you recall it would go almost 200 mph. pretty bad ass eh? but the reason of this blog isnt just to throw deserved praise on a bad ass car, it is to point out the the original Kitt probably was a gas guzzler. this makes it so ordinary folks like myself cant get one. and we are the people who need cars like that more than anyone else. so here is my idea. we are going to get a black honda civic, give it some tent and then we will attach one of those red lights to the front of it and BAMMO we have a sweet as car very similar to the original Kitt. BAD ASS! but wait we can make it better, thats right i said BETTER. but how you ask? with this. Thats right that is a fucking GPS that talks like Kitt. HOLY SHIT this honda is now truly a mini gas saving Kitt. we have done the unthinkable turned a car no one wants and made it into something everyone NEEDS. looks like its fixing to go down now. i can hear the commericials now. " So you want to get laid but dont know how? Well look no further buy this car now and get laid TONITE!!" this of course would be a monster truck rally annoucer. oh yea, or maybe we could get randy the macho man savage to do it. hell yea. another way to get laid of course is to be like this guy and wear a spandex suit with a picture of yourself on it jumping through a brick wall, does it get any cooler than that. hell no. well guys this has been totally awesome and i hope to be back soon. but until then as always yall be easy on the peasy

On the spot

2010-08-02T14:32:00.003-04:00

Never tense, just relaxed, eyes fixed in the general direction of the one causing this confrontation to escalate into what it has now become. Me vs. another, three slow breaths as i slowly prepare to turn my hands and feet into weapons of pain. Then there's his hands, clenched turning into fist ready to fight me. I glare once more, lose the watch, and the chain, Totally relaxed, my hands already know this dance of death, no fixed position, just centered upon the impact of mits to this half assed excuse of a man. My aim is six inches behind the target, his face hole. He lunges and I merely step a inch back and release my hand loosely snapping my wrist at the second of impact. For a moment I look as though I'm stretching forward with my fist in front of me as though I'm blind, only to recoil and send my left hand on an upward arch that connects beautifully with the chin of this half a fucker. At long last the anger wells up and it is no longer the man no one knows by the name of Nikia Jonez in control, only the instinct to finish what has been started. I pummel and push only grab shirt or a wrist and administer more punishment. It all ends with him on his knees if front of me, lots of dirt and disdain mark his fuckin shit ass face. I can feel my conscience slide back into the controls that have went "lights out" in my dome, and now I truly feel as though this has all come to the end. Mercy is not an emotion that I have alot of, but this stupid fuck is lucky enough to get it in the form of my foot on his shoulder, i push he lays back I get in the Granada and put in the wind.

Just for them cool ass G'z

2010-07-09T13:46:00.004-04:00

Well my loyal and well educated scrapians, before we get to the brass tax of the past month let us once again send up a big fuck you to the man, letting him down one cool ass motherfucker at a time. Next, big shouts to the gun man himself, i will be hitting your neck of the woods in a matter of a couple of weeks. And of course before we burst the perverbiable bubble, a BIG ass eat shit and die to the new found racist who have dedicated themselves to the removal of best side of ya boy himself. Now then, if you know like i do, there are those who stand out in your mind as far as cool, and altogether a chill ass mofo. This blog is dedicated to all who have jumped in a losing battle for the sake of having your back alone. For any and everybody that has one of those scars you bear with pride, the experience in gaining it and the story of what lead up to the events when that particular tissue was once still imaculate as can be. Last but please beleive not least, all them Glennville Gangstas, now spread all over the beloved dirty dirty, killinit, kickinit, and stickinit like a stamp. But dont feel left out, if step out at night and catch the sight of the blunt smoking slipping and swaying across the moon in the dead of night, rest assured there are at least 3 otha mothafuckas kickinit old skool with ya right then and there.

Just keeping on keeping on

2010-06-05T17:46:00.005-04:00

Well gangsters im back again, once again im sorry its been some time. you know how things go though what with being busy and life and what not. recently things have been going pretty smoothly. just chilling out in the country. annas truck just slap quit on her and i was able to put the battery back in after someone else took it out. pretty amazing for a guy who cant change a tire. if you think thats funny it is. but i just have one thing to say. fuck you. and the horse you came in on for that matter.

i have noticed recently that people seem to be getting stupider. not in just one way in all ways. people driving slow as hell in the fast lane, and then they give you the finger when you pass them in the slow lane. people who can use the internet to find my hotel but cant figure out how to get fucking directions. people who inform you that they are using long distance when they call. i dont give a shit if you are on long distance. if thats an issue to you have you dumb questions ready to go.

on another note i am starting to think working in hotel has made me more bitter. oh well fuck it.
i gotta get ready for an accounting exam and some economics plus a super sweet accounting report on krogers annual reports. sounds like fun i know, but it isnt. but the best part is im only two weeks away from having a day off.

yall come back now, ya here

The stop and stare

2010-06-05T17:13:00.002-04:00

Well ladies and gents, hope all is well despite that its hot as hell. I wanna address a new "manuever" if you will, the stope and stare, a fello G whose name will be left out, calls it the glance and glare, anyhow, its pretty fuckin handy for rude waitresses and or servers, and espically folks at the hiltony hilton who think im gonna juggle some chainsaws for them upon checking in and shit. The s and s comes in good with traffic, if you get the chance to pull up next to some jackass who forgot that we all are driving on this particular stretch of road of which he does not hold ownership to just give him the stare as you stop, this may even entice the noted douchebag in question to give you the finger or even yell some obscenities, which may lead to more staring while stopped but fuck that guy you locked him in and now you crackin a grin. (yeah fuck a douche bag) I like to use the s and s when some tries the whole "let me borrow a dollar" routine. Ya know? These are MY dollars for this parking meter, and i dont have a spare cause the man needs more bread to expand and create more evil so the price has went up to 1.00 and hour and i have just enuff to dodge a ticket so NO fuckin shittin hells to the motha fuckin nah you aint copping none of my dollars motha fuckin get a job. Moving right along use it wisely as this can also lead to a sudden lash out of violent behavior. Nobody wants to throw them things in this heat, thats all i gotta say about that killas, yall be easy and keep ya dollars in the console. Nikia out.

The useless info

2010-05-24T20:17:00.004-04:00

Alright gentlemen and gentleladies, hope you're a ok and traveling with out delay, Ill waste no time bashing in the brains of those motherfuckin shitty ass infomercials. Where do these numb nutted fools get the balls? The dollar store, the moon, maybe the white house? I want cartoons, and late night scary movies, even an old western with that Clint Eastwood flavor you can savor, but infomercials? Not only is this the most pointless useless mindless ass way to try and promote a product but its an utterly tragic waste of mothafuckin time and effort, and if you can gauge ya boy by now TIME is the only thing in this world i refuse with utter strictness to waste. You're not getting any of it back any time soon and you definetly cant win a time share full of it or win it like the lottery. No my fellow scrapians, this just simply will not fucking do. I mean they even sucked cuck norris in, the total gym does kick a lot of ass, ( yeah i got one off the net) but not because of the fuckin infomercial, or even because of good ol chuck, i just wanted a floor work that would do the trick for arms and legs. Theres that other dildo who sells that stupid slap chop where he half ass raps through it. Commercials suck bad enough, (maybe not the old spice ones) so why inflict even more damage to the world of watchers by gumming the senses with mindless ads for dick fertlizers and slap choppers and silver and gold polishes. What are they paying these people, and ladies, why the fuck would give yourself the nun glaze by bragging on what undergarment keeps the pee in? Those poor bastards, never have i been so apalled by the man and his attempt to scalp a grown ass outta some bread. Afroman said it best when he said fuck the corporate world. Oh yeah, Arizona can still suck my half brown ass cheek, and with that I would also like to wish all of you out and about in the blogosphere a good memorial day weekend. Until next time ya'll keep an extra clip, and dont catch one in the hip.

The soul pole network

2010-05-03T21:31:00.003-04:00

Well killas, the idea of ideas has come forth. Bore from the tireless thoughts and inquiries of the mind of a man who knows not of greed, only need. An idea so stupendous and out rightly ingenius that only you the reader have the preparedness to deal with such a massive of amount of ingenuity and calculation. Those who have bored us with the tantilizing thought of a channel that only features music are the only ones who face peril with the awakening of such inclinations. An idea so grand that in end of things and in the face of my death I will pass ease knowing that my creation will live on long after after I'm worm food and you the reader can still be easy on the peasy at your own leisure. T.v. will never be what it once was, nore will it hold the same significance as it once did. No my friends nothing about the idiot box will be stale and unappeasing in the slightest. So until then keep you remotes close and your t.v. guides closer, cause its coming and no can do anything to motha fuckin stop it.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This is nikia gals and gal pals, slap hands and make plans, im out.

Legalizing racial profiling

2010-04-28T17:23:00.003-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, if you are a hater stop reading at this moment. Now, a quick history lesson, we didn't cross the border (first?) the fucker crossed us. Texas was "annexed" which is just a fancy way of saying being claimed then taken, along with was parts of nevada, oklahoma, and arkansas just to name a few. Moving right along, brown people don't get too loud about the past because as anyone will tell ya, its been so long ago that no one immediatley affected is still around to kick up some dust. So now we have these jack ass non pussy getting bitch face chode gulping ass kissing uncultured shallow fuck faced moronic stupid shylock fuckin race hatin jew prick hippie motherfuckers making it legal for the 5-o to fuck with the brown man, why? Because apparently all the killing and robbing in arizona happens only because "the illlegals" are the ones who are doing all this bad shit. (I mean really?) There's too much shit going down in this small world we live in for some dildos to start sticking it to the brown man just cause they want to. Of all the shit to get worked up over and all the problems facing us as a humanity what in the fuck can posess another human being to judge another by the color of there skin. Greed? Bullshit? Envy? If you run them all out who's gonna work the jobs that the avergae american wont? I've saw any other white people besides me in the fields or the packing sheds, or even most of the construction sites. Who's gonna work for minimum wage or even less? You? Yo momma? Fuck Arizona right up there dry desert ass hole. Its 2010, no one owns the world and no motherfuckin goddamn body has the right to profile me you him her or them because of our legal birth status, color, race, gender, period. That's all i gotta say about that, ya'll keep it real or taste the steel, nikia out.

Im back

2010-04-20T12:11:00.002-04:00

alrighty gangsters im back. i know it has been some time but the Sandford is back and better than before. i have moved out to the country in the mean time. its nice and quiet and the destroyer is enjoying it. im still in the hotel business and it still sucks. doing the schooling thing as well. an accountant i soon shall be and then i will come and bore you all to death. of course today is a special day for us all. today is the peoples day. we all do what we enjoy and whole its still frowned upon, like masterbating in airplanes, its still good times. as you may have guessed i agve seen the hangover, totally fucking badass. also was zombieland. it been some time so im a bit rusty on the blogging. so this is going to wrap it up for today. but i shall return and it wont be long. ill be back

ps watch the running man. best arnold movie ever.

Just some shout outs

2010-04-20T11:32:00.006-04:00

Well killas, i gotta say that it's just sad sometimes when a ya cant slap hands or hug necks and show some love to ya peeps, so today i have taken the opportunity to do the damn thang like a real G should.

My nigga shawn. (up in the sand box waxing ali-baba's)
Nick Smith. (holding it down in g-town, all gangsta gangsta n shit)
Tommy Sandford. (treading the furlow in the boro)
Barbara Faircloth. (chillin to henry rollins in collins)
Tracie and Ricky Durrence. (living large and in charge)
Starry Shaff. (dodging the man in the promised land)
Tavarus Miller. (all thriller no filler R.I.P.)
Kendra Adams. (still in it to win it)
Blood Raw. (thanks for the autograph)
Eric Skoglund. (got my back like chiropract)
Dreyfus Lewis. (holding it down to the ground)
Gene Martinez. (still the man with the plan)
Boo. (still not loving police, still holding me down with my cuffs and my crease, still makin that decision with precision, still my wife and the reason im living)
Big Boi. (with that feel for real deal-thanx for the autograph)
Mike DeBerry. (laying beats that might be scary)
Wesley Smith. (in the navy, & I hope its all gravy)
Julio-Ceasar Villalobos. (you gotta know, i got mad love for ya bro)
John Williams. (get it straight, b4 its too late)
Severo Hinojosa. (a real o.g. to everybody)
Tonio Villalobos. (keep ya close to where it counts the most)
Balmori Amaya. (you still the man, but i understand)
Nicholas Martinez. (still on my mind, though you're hard to find)
Tommy Norris. (still notorious)
Mason Anders. (still giving to make a living)
Will Meyer. (non drinking cause of what she thinking)
Wesley Durrence. (drunk on a constant occurence)
Marty Pye. (thanks for billy jean, she still so fly)
Ferdinand Beaumont. (i gotta crouch cause you hog the couch)
Dontay Collins. (flippin lids and chasing kids)
J. Sarceno. (hope it aint costin in boston)
Trey Lindsey. (still wondering what happened to the danger ranger)
Liz Joyner. (still in pain cause they got ya in chains)
Jeremy Winston. (slapping hands and making plans)
Josh and Jacob Villalobos. (whats cua)
Armando Ramirez. (making it happen in claxton)
Logan Mackeaveli. (never rude, like a solid dude)
Mark Taber. (babies, lungs, and nudies)
Geri Smith. (whats class if u cant pass)
Sonia Bowling. (makin room for a shroom)
Cecil Neuman. (no hate, while playing straight)

In all honesty this is gonna take me a lifetime when i think about, so if ya name aint present dont sweat it, i got no time and im fresh outta ryhmes, be easy on the peasy or else you'll turn japanesy. Happy motha fuckin 420 niggas!!!!!!!! Nikia J out.

She a hoe fo sho!

2010-04-13T21:20:00.004-04:00

Guy and gurls, its another day with little or no pay, and of course no blog from the gun man himself. Moving right along, lets analyze a motha fuckin bitch ass HOE! Ya really have to understand the stamina and the abilities needed to be deemed "hoe." And please beleive me when i say that i certainly aint referring to no garden tools. First if she can run in them stiletto's, and still not spill a drank while chasing some nigga wit some bread, she a hoe. If she clean ya house for a rental, HOE. Who could ever forget the hair, more than 2 colors, and two stylings that make it look like a monet, HOE. Race don't matter, and she can be short, tall, skinny, fat. The most trifling ass hoes i know are some short skinny white girls that reside in the nether realm of gooseneck ga. (sad i know) The funniest thing about hoes is there modest interest in the high class folk who never come around them, instead they search them out, there's the flirty flashy atention grabbing aspect that'll make ya pitch your empties at there face. But most important of all is the get up. A hoe will hold no shame, and big girls especially, will wear whatever, whenever. (rolls apparently come free with this particular breed of hoe ya know) Now big girls do need the love, but in my mind, maybe they should be paying the poor sap who couldn't get a date and got stuck taking a hoe with him to the spot. I mean this man gonna spend his bread all night, and you aint gonna let him hit til he break bread with you, so why not just show him the chase and let him cut to it so to speak. Anyway, fuck a hoe, that's why nikia has since long ago steered clear of all the hoe-ware, and daitng scene. I gotta bad bitch who can scratch my itch. Anyhow keep bleach in the bathroom, nikia J out!

Zombie apocalypse!!!!!!

2010-04-11T20:46:00.003-04:00

Today's blog is brought to you by glock, one good motha fuckin gun. Moving right along ladies and gents, I wish to bestow upon you a slight gleaming hope of mine, that although ridiculous and out of range of reality as it may be, I hope deep down will come to pass. I dont like people, in groups, or crowds, one on one, or even in my immediate surroundings. Don't get me wrong, I am "good" with people, and know how to interact and approach the majority of them, but all together the dis taste i have for them is that of cats for dogs, or vice versa. It isnt all people either, there's a saying when living by the G-code that real recognizes real, and as far as I can tell this has held more truth than sticks and candles. Its for that reason that I hope deep down that the next "viral catasrophe" is a sickness that causes people to turn into those sick ass zombies. My house would be a fuckin fort surrounded by punji pits, flying moltoff cocktails, and every wall would have the just in case shotgun. That shit is the shit! But tha main thing is the lesser number of world destroying non respect having ass shit bags! Just imagine having the pleasure of stepping outside just to blast those annoying people who live all around, who dont look both ways before crossing the street, and eat the last slice of pizza while guzzling the last dew. (Fuck shit) In the end, just lettin me loose on some mindless used to be people now they must type shit is just what a nigga needs sometime. People though, they still equal shit, and eat it. To all of my people, keep ya glock close, and ya shotty closer. N to the J is out, for now anyways, ya'll be cool, and avoid the gruel.

A blog for the fallen.

2010-04-03T20:34:00.003-04:00

Every so often every gangsta ass fool has to take a minute for those who have ceased to be, near, far, family, or just a another cool killa in ya click. Today just happens to be a day where that notion has come easily without alot of emotional regression. I done poured out the liqour and had a few t shirts made, but i didn't get to speak of how awesome each of them still are and how much they meant (or mean) to me. To this day the eulogy of my grandmother causes me a great amount of anger, no one allowed me the priveledge to speak of how amazingly loving she was, and made the very best food, my grandma made cat head biscuits that could make a puppy pull a train! Then of course, there's Frank, a fellow glennville gangsta, with the flavor one can savor. Frank was a friend of friends, he lost his shit in his car one day and left for good, he prolly hustling up in whatever afterlife there is for a gangster of his caliber. (.40 like a glock) My closest ally of course, is piper, she died so long ago and the things she left behind were full of the memories we shared and made, but relationships change when your gone too long. Then of course Andrew, shot and killed by a cop with out any god given sense, and the lack of the knowledge to fire a fuckin warning shot. All my homies are never forgotten, gone maybe, but far from left to rest in peace without a trace of there exsistence bestowed upon those who may have never met them. Well that's it for now killers and cousins. You see Tommy the gun man himself give him a nice slap for me, (nigga still aint blogging)!!!!!!!!

The tweakend

2010-03-26T20:46:00.001-04:00

Now throw yo hands in the ayer, and wave em like ya just don't cayer, and if like shrimp and grits and all the pimp shit, everbody say oh yeah yer.

Stick it like a stamp

2010-03-03T17:27:00.005-05:00

Alright then here we go sportsfans, an ass whooping and a half to he handed down by you the reader! See the gun man himself has made his ever endearing presence amongst us at the scrappy sea front rather scarce. After a long and encroaching process of elimination it seems that the best solution is for the feind in you to get back at the supplier who has left starving for the whimsicle points and atributes that only he himself can lay down for you to pick up. If you dry in the idea well as to how to go about bringing on the pain i have taken the liberty to enlighten your anger driven senses. Baseball bats always leave a nice impression and not to mention they get your point straight across, just dont aim for the heads so that he can still type once the blood stops and he can fully regain process of thought. Another, and one of my personal favorites, is the melvin, and or a wedgie. This classic would definetly leave him reeling, the burn and the stuffage of underwear in the nether regions, almost brings a tear to my eye. Last but not least, your slab, just run his ass down like a stray dog shitting on your sidewalk. One good pound with the bumper and he'll be wheel chair bound and stuck at home on the computer blogging his way to recovery! That's almost a master plan! So ya heard it here first comrades, ass holes and elbows til we get that feel for real deal straight from the source. Until then ya'll get in it twice a day to keep them haters away.

Motha Fuckin Georgia

2010-01-31T20:57:00.003-05:00

Killas! Here it is the last day of the first month of the new year, and what year its been thus far. Drivin-n-Cryin has a new album out after 12 years hiding under the rugs with the bed bugs, and then of course there's the 2012 fiasco, and i gotta tell yas if the end of the world is nigh and were all gonna burn like a bad ass perm, I think I'm just gonna get drunk and watch Phantom of the paradise. Just kick it like a G till it all goes down like a plane crash. Last night was cooler than the other side of the pillow, good food, a coffin sized cooler full-o-beers, and the D For now sportsfans I must wave and tip my cap as I head off into the dark cold night to sleep it off and wake up to do it again.

Bros b4 Hoes!!!!!!!!

2009-12-28T16:36:00.004-05:00

Well boys and girls, hate to be the bearer of bad news, but today a straight soulja with the streets mapped on the back of his hands and wisdom in his mind from 1,000 different lands has fallen. No wounds, no attack of any kind, he just gave in to the little bitch buried within himself. The saddest part of it all is the reason behind his descent isnt even worth me typing the letters you read at this very moment. You may ask why, you may even ponder the endless possibilites, but dont, Nikia to the J is here to reassure you that the slightest bit of time you spend even in a half thought over these bitch ass notions isnt worth the brain power, and ya boy aint gonna let ya burn even one calorie over it, or her, or, that hoe ass bitch ass stupid ass vengeful ass, cock suckin ass idiot of a hoe fo sho. Ya see this soulja is just like a brother from another, so one could for go the classic approach of just telling so and so, "hey check yourself," in this case this fucker knows that the waters in which he treads are laden with the most treacherous of dangers. To top it all off sportsfans, he views all others views as threats to his inflated ego. All the way around, i just need to stay as drunk as possible in order to avoid mass murder or genocide or whatever. In the smallest way this could be ya boys fault, its not everyday you give one of your best homeboys a pass on being a shit bag ass pussy that cant even holla at a braod like a grown ass man is supposed to. All alone is all we are in the end sportsfans, so why chase those who cant even begin to accompany us through what is truly the hardest journey in life???? For now that's all I gotta say about that, ya'll hold it down, keep ya friends close and ya enemies closer.

That funky shit

2009-12-02T20:29:00.003-05:00

1.) Pussy
2.) Califoria King sized beds
3.) Secret Coat Pockets (for the steel)
4.) MMA )
5.) Full Teng Katanas 6.) Glock 9's
7.) Gangstas
8.) Gangsta shit
9.) Chrome (not just for ya ride fool)
10.) The Dew
11.) Beers (to each his own)
12.) Ricky Bobby
13.) The dirty dirty
14.) Wireless Internet
15.) Woodgrain steering wheel
16.) Switchblades
17.) Tall Chicks
18.) 75in reach
19.) Digital Cameras
20.) That guy who died that did the cool voice overs
21.) Newport shorts in the box.
22.) HOODIES!!!!!!!!
23.) slip on shoes
24.) matching mis-match socks
25.) Grilled-still mooing steak.
26.) Jew jokes
27.) The Bernie Mac show
28.) Regole
29.) Wallet Chains
30.) Music, period
31.) Grappling hooks
32.) Glenville GA

a hault on the hate

2009-10-02T19:45:00.003-04:00

Greetings to all yall up out there in the blogosphere, its time once again to spread the word like peanut butter on bread! (no jelly) First, mad props to the man Kimbo Slice, ya see, im a huge fan of hand to hand combat, even more so, i likes a good fight, even more so than that, is mixed martial arts. No as some of you may already know, kimbo has been handing out ass whoopins for a good minute in people's back yards, some douche named sean gannon says, "hey that guy is standing on his feet the whole time, he has no skill." But kimbo never claimed to be an MMA fighter, or to be an octogon bound prodigy. So, gannon challenges kimbo, kimbo being a street fighter lives by a different code completely, he has all his powers in his hands, not his knees, or his legs, gannon however sees this as kimbos weakness and stops throwing hands and tries to kick kimbo around and call himself the winner. All of a sudden Dana White with his suedo-intellect thinks he's got a new fighter to exploit and make millions off of. Kimbo walks into the world of the UFC with this target on him, (some, like me will call it the hate glare) everyone has the atitude that kimbo's galavanting around talking shit and getting knee deep in shit when all that has really come to pass is dana white's greed overwhelming his basic ability to make the right decisions. Now don't get me wrong, i hate see a cool ass nigga get his ass handed to him on live t.v. But the shitty thing is, this man never even asked to be part of any of the shit he's wrapped up in, kimbo saw a chance to handle his biz, and support his 6 kids, dana white only saw dollar signs. I mean how stupid can this fucker be, "hey kimbo you don't need no training to fight in the UFC just get in there and do what you do." Yeah right. If you watch Kimbos leg work and stature the man's a brick shit house with canned hams for fists. Fuck Dana White. Fuck Brok Lesnars bitch ass too. This prick got beat by Frank Fuckin Mir with a toe clench. ( It was sweet) But again i digress. All you hatin ass slow-mo non fighting ass hoes with your articles and your pre-conceived notions as to how the fuck it goes down with martial arts and boxing can all suck my dick and ride a fuel tanker right into a live volcano. Kimbo may not be the best in the UFC, but he's still the best on the street. The man has the skill and the potential, maybe Dana should can get a sumo wrestler and throw him in the octogon and make millions all over again. Point being, the man's gotta way of keeping niggas down and on the ground, if kimbo ends champ, it'll definetly be off of his own hard work and stamina. Not some douche with greed for bloodtype. All in all thats almost all i gotta say about that shit. Ya'll keep the heat, the cold's on the way. Nikia to the J out.

What if?

2009-09-03T20:26:00.002-04:00

good day gang. as my amigo nikia pointed out it has been a hot minute since we have been on the old bliggity blog. this has caused me much pain to be away for so long. so with out further ado i bring you to the topic of this evening. What if i had won the lottery. $372 million. well let me lay it on ya, first i wouldn't quit my job. i would however take and easier position with less pay and only work 2 days a week. you gotta have things to do when you arent spending your millions. next i would do all the regular stuff. buy a house. next would be a car for me and the lady. then i would give $500,000 to all my friends, and even some people i dont know, just because. next i would buy a building out here where i work and a whole shit load of dynamite or TNT. then i would blow it up. what could be cooler than that? also i would buy an nfl team. doesnt really matter which one, i just think that would be cool. well i guess i ran out of steam there a little after the excitement of the blowing up so on to some things i have noticed. firstly, there is a smurfs movie coming out in 2010. is that crazy? i think so. will i be eager to see it? yes, i hate to say it i will. as soon as it comes out on netflix at least. Labor Day is coming up and its going to be a very busy weekend for us in the hotel biz. what exactly does that mean you say? basically ever dumb ass with a phone will call the hotel. and then ask the dumbest question ever. and not only that but they will either have a shitty accent or talk slower than molasses. and you cant tell them to hurry their dumbasses up and get to the fucking point because thats what we get paid not to do. but anyhow if you are one of the many jack asses planning on headed anywhere for any holiday, from all of us in the hotel industry- fuck you, stay at home.

Let the record state

2009-09-02T20:01:00.002-04:00

Well, here we are once again ladies and ladies men, long overdue for a good installment of the blog you love so much you cant fuckin stand it. It seems that i have been blocked here at the hiltony hilton from bloggin, but some one has left there guard down today, so i had to get it cracka-lackin at the front desk before i get the nasty websense page again. Its been a good minute since the last entry on my behalf, because as the gun man himself said, we gets paid to blog, and where else but the hilton is the hour granted to you with a guaranteed amount attached to it. But let us not dilly dally in the nonsense that plagues all those who dare beseach employment at the hiltony hilton and get into focus. If you havent seen district nine yet, you gotta get on that asap, for those of you who know how nikia likes to kick it old skool, the granada has been upgraded and i still have only 3 things left until it is complete. My rims should look something like this. One of the coolest things ever, is the awesome find i made at the beach on sunday. My nigga shawn just got some leave time after being in the field for a good minute, so we slide into the crib for some of that budweiser, when it apparently becomes morning, we head to the beach in our sleepy stupor to chill hard like ice. We walk slap hands and make future plans and my niggas gotta be on his way, but with out my foot getting cut open on the most awesome shell EVER! If you havent rocked that rainbow six vegas two, you gotta jump on that without blinkin. You gotta see casino too. That movie will make you appreciate baseball bats like never before, i also learned that if you bury a motherfucker while he's still breathing, people will pretty much clear out on your behalf. For now i got work and more work. Ya'll keep killin it, and i aint talking bout the game.

The Ballsy Facts

2009-07-15T17:46:00.003-04:00

Ladies and ladies me, at long last nikia to the J has returned to the beloved blog of choice. I had alot going on in a small space of time, but all thats in the past. The dust has settled and my mind has cleared and here we sit ready for the unveiling of the past. So lets us start with the tux, an adventure in itself that i didnt even end up wearing! (Dats dat nigga shit 4 yas) My dear cousin eric got hitched and asked me to be the best man, and nikia like yeast, had to rise to the ocasion. But not without some serious fuckin drinkin and krunk madness the likes of which have never been seen in the little town colquitt ga. The groomsmen had to wear all black suits so all the trying shit on and picking up shoes lead to nothing more than a bunch of wasted time. We got to drink 1500.oo worth of booze at the reception, so I built a pyramid on the table out of my empties. (the same table where the bride and groom sat) Me and my other cousins hung out tough like motherfuckers, we rode dirt roads burning it down and sipping almost all night. I got my mom, my aunt, 2 uncles, (who hadn't been in a bar in like 11 years) SHITFACED! It was the stuff dreams were made of. The next day was almost as good, grillin and chillin, then of course the throw back shit from the wedding, ranging from kahlua to bailys, no henny though. (those fuckers) I made back to the seaport just in time to work 13 fuckin hours on my birthday. The height of all irony is that i've always managed to dodge work or school on my day of days but the one time i dont it tries to rape the shit outta me. Karma is a bitch. For right now fellow scrapians, I gotta see a man about a room. Ya'll get cha roll on, and i aint talkin deodorant.

A Tribute to "The MAN" Al Borland aka Richard Karn

2009-06-06T16:11:00.003-04:00

Hello and welcome once again to another version of the scrappy theater. today we are here to pay homage to a great man. his name is al borland. you my have seen him on such shows as home improvement which i usually call tool time. we all remember al as a lovable flannel wearing fat man whose mother was apparently massive and bearded as well. at least if you listen to tim taylor. what many of you may not know is that he was also the host of family feud back when the i was in college and we loved it. we would chill out big time before dinner while watching the feud then we would go to dinner and the horribly shitty food didnt look quite so bad. so hears to you al. and he also has a blog. well i hoped you learned something and if you didnt it ok as long as you are following the blog. if you arent following very unpleasant things may very well happen to you and your extended family. so watch out.

A quick thought or two

2009-06-01T12:23:00.002-04:00

Well gang i know it has been a long time and yall are yearning for some good stuff from the sandford. well i have a little taste of that good stuff for you right now. i have moved to a new time at the job (8am til 4pm) which forces me to be around the big boss all day however i get to sleep in more and still get out early. all in all its good. except for the lack of blog time. today my playstation will finally come back in the mail and i hope against hope that they fixed it otherwise me and the tobes aka mans best friend might just have to get down and dirty on some computer kids. hopefully not though. also our beloved denver nuggets lost to the lakers. damn kobe and the lakers. GO NUGGETS!! whoo whoo!! well thats a little quickie for you. hope it was as good for you as it was for me. until next time slow your roll and if the cops try to stop you for jay walking give him the bird. that ought to teach them

The shit a G is made of....

2009-05-28T20:04:00.002-04:00

Vice Versa:(This song heres called god damn vice versa its like Picture everything you thought was good was really bad everything bad was really good, what if heaven was on earth nigga the whole world versevice versa this shit here god damn goin on get you a phat ass blunt of that dro smoke that shit its all vice versa look up in the air nigga we rich nigga its vice verse i know all you real nigga gunna feel this shit)
What if heaven was hell and vice versa
If I told ya go to hell would ya tell I cursed ya
I reimburse ya with the truth so ya know my faith
and pray I die im that nigga that they love to hate
i wanna make you use your mind
god has sent the sign and when you listen to these rhymes nigga take your time
again I ask heaven was hell an vice versa
would ya start doin evil in order ta nurture
the spirit man do you understand there's a war thats ragin on
an the devils got some ammo too dont get me wrong
but I put my trust off in the Lord
its too corrupt know that god dont help me blow em up
I gives a fuck
heaven was hell and vice versa
I have no fear I dun witnessed to much hell right here
lend me your ear be cause the beer we had to pour
for all my niggas hit the devil with 44
payback nigga
my nigga keep me from tryin to enter
battle alone and the deal with all this wickedness
I smoke a zone
know im grown but im still a baby
its vice versa so i guess ill beg Satan to save me
God im confused, confused of all these motherfuckers
makin me sick
The Virgin Mary may not fuck nobody
but she suck dick
with a click of nasty concubine its vice versa so she prolly do the whole nine
that nasty ho
I don't know where imma go this christmas
It's Satans birth
imma try to smoke a pound of weed
to ease the hurt
While jesus equiped with angels and devils equip with glocs
for god so loved the earth that he blessed a thug with rocks
Wont stop until they feel me
Protect me devil I think the Lord is tryin to kill me
It's vice versa
Heaven is the low while this doja keep me high
an see the lord almighty nigga im ready to die
my reply for any questions asked the devil made me do it
whose the devil may I ask its so polluted uprooted from all this stupid shit
see me cremated my adaption to the climate
so glad I made it elated that they gun go to heaven
but do they know heaven may not be the place to go
again I ask heaven was hell an vice versa
the devils demons id be damned if ill let god hurt ya Follow me.

If this was vice versa
I be an angel cuz I'm a devil
A down south Georgia rebel
A whole nother fuckin level
reminiscing on all the good and the bad that I did
bussin caps an splitting wigs
an servin nigs
an talkin shit
this is vice versa no fuckin commercial
heaven or hell where do we go
when we die
eternal fire
or the streets of gold
only God knows
vice versa

D-n-R

2009-05-08T20:55:00.005-04:00

Ahh ladies and gentlemen, how goes the daily grind? Today I have the most profound pearl of wisdom to bestow upon you fine folks. But first, hopefully you guys enjoyed El Cinco de Mayo like a real nigga should. Mine consisted of gin and juice, and the ever enjoyable company of my little sister and last but not least my penca ass penca friends. We had "rojas" and caldo de pollo for our hangovers and of course, we had to have some of those negras. But all thats in the past today we gotta lay in down the way its laid down in the dirty dirty. Today's lesson in is drinking and riding. All you need is a good CD, pomegranate crunk juice, and of course that Patron, but let me not forget that you should only D-n-R at grandma's where it aint cool to be drinking so you gotta ride to drink and she live on them clay dirt roads where its all good and the police dont be riding through to checkup on a nigga who just be chillin and minding his biz. (Whoa) Other than that my good buddies, its time to get on with the rest of the days task that are still at hand. The best is yet to come ya'll, and in the famous words of my comrade the gun man himself, be easy on the peasy, and keep ya prints off the scene.

The Tramp Stamp vs. The Flavor Saver

2009-05-02T15:48:00.020-04:00

you gotta love it

and the results are in: having the flavor saver makes you a much bigger douchebag than having the tramp stamp. until next time watch you self and shake it fast

Chilaquiles

2009-04-21T20:21:00.004-04:00

Hey you guys gotta try this classic mexican dish, its a breakfast deal so if you wake up with a hang over or just need some energy grub that'll "stick yo your ribs" like my grandma use to say.
You will need:
1.) One whole roma tomatoe
2.) One whole jalepeno
3.) Half of an onion
4.) Corn rotillas ( el milagro are the best ones, all chill no fill)
5.) Queso Fresco
6.) Rooster Bullets (eggs damn you)

First, you're gonna have to dice up the tomatoe, pepper, and onion, the chunkier you leave them the more you will taste them in your eggs.

Next, heat your frying pan with some butter or oil, and add the onion and pepper first with a pinch of garlic salt. When you get the overwhelming smell of onion and pepper add your eggs and tomatoes. While all the fry magic is going down, use a griddle or some type of flat skillet to heat your tortillas up 3 to 4 at the time. You want them slightly dark and soft enough to roll or fold over. As your tortillas are heating and you take them off the pan, crumble the queso fresco into the middle and add your scrambled treasure. Fold in half and get down with the get down.

I've been eating chilaquiles since i was like 5 ot 6 yrs.old. If u are worried about the spiciness, you can de-seed the jalepeno so that it doesn't burn at all. The tortillas don't have to be el milagro there just my favorite kind in the whole world. Another cool thing to do is fry a tortilla and then drop an egg on it once you flip for the last time, its called "huevos rancheros" sound pretty fuckin familiar? Its all poor food we eat to keep the wheels turning without breaking the bank. Ya'll be careful in the street, they always watching.

hit'em high

2009-04-18T22:41:00.003-04:00

Well hello once again scrapians, its the man with the plan but not from pakistan. Today ladies and ladies men has been just another day at the salt mines. The best is yet to come as me and my one and only have got to get some eats and get down with the get down. The next thing that i must let you guys in on if you didn't know already, is that the man himself Jim Carrey is fuckin canadian! I mean what are the fuckin odds? The mask, ace ventura, truman! All backed by the man himself. Who wouldve thunk it? Then of course you have ol Billy bob Thornton who gets booed out of canada because he said "its all potatoes and no gravy." Now he's banned from the whole counrty, but get this shit, he was on tour with his band. His band? I didn't even know that fucker could play an instrument. The fucked up part about it is that he said it to a Dj on the radio because the cocksucker wasn't even doing the original bit about the music tour, all he wanted to do was beef with ol Billy bob about his movie career. (Ain't that bout a bitch) Anyway todays entry short as it may be, is still packed with all the essential nutrients that u need from the blogosphere. And of course, watch out for those bitch ass niggas.

El espanol

2009-03-28T20:52:00.003-04:00

Hola, que tal? Como estan cabrones? Soy yo tu padre de otra madre, llevando me la a la calmada, y esperando mi comida porque tengo un chingo de hambre. Mi suprivisor esta buscando una chinga vien merisida, con su mamada de que no puede dejar me ir a fumar un cigaro. (segun que esta muy ocupado) Cuando llego a mi canton voy a cojer a mi vieja como si fuera el fin del mundo. Ya me hablo y me dijo que esta muy cachonda y ya tenemos 3 dias SIN cojer! Te majinas eso? Estar casado y no cojer al dia? Son mamadas! Y el telefono del descitorio no para de timbrar. Hasta en mis pesadillas escucho esa pinche cosa de la chingada. Y cada vez que lo contesto tengo que dicir "Muchas gracias por llamar al la Hilton de savannah DeSoto, como lo peudemos servirle?" Ya me enfado de la misma chingadera. Extrano mucho a los dias por de bajo del sol, sudado y soliado. Manos secos y quebrados de trabajaso. Y mi padre, dando me animo para seguirle y ganar me esa feria para mis billes que nunca paran de aumentarse. Mis mejores amigo del mundo, los a conocido en el campo, y en las bodegas donde los mas cabrones y chigones son los unicos que pueden aguantar esa forma de trabajo. Eso dias son unos de las cosas mas refinas en mi vida. Mi character fuerte como el luz y calor del sol, mi cuerpo maduro y acostumbrado como el arbol en la tierra. Nada en este mundo me a dado lo que mi padre y el trabajo de hombre me a dado. Hasta la proxima compitas.

Water Donkeys

2009-03-22T10:52:00.003-04:00

The blog is totally awesome and we all know that. otherwise we wouldnt be doing it and yall wouldnt be reading it. We have made a whole year headed towards 2 with full steam running. where do we go next you may ask? well that answer is as simple as it is complex. the blog will go with us where ever we go. if we move to different cities we will have a dual-citizenship blog. if we get now cars the blog will come with us in our new vehicles and you will know because we will tell you. the blog will go with all of you as you head out into the day knowing just how cool those two cats in savannah are. you tell the people where you are that there are two kick ass dudes kickin it down here and we are doing in quite a manner. not too fancy a manner mind you just a good dude type manner. like how elvis would have done it. or micheal jackson when he was still the prince of pop and not the duke of weirdness. just look at those rabbit ears. i will say however that despite the fact that i dont like dancing all to much i would very much like to reenact the thriller video. at least once before i die at least. another thing i really want to do is fight in a little model city. like godzilla kinda. those arent too crazy right? and they are definitely doable. all i need is a bunch of makeup and some one who is willing to let me destroy their slowly crafted very intricate city. well gang like forrest gump says that all i have to say about that so until next time watch your back and see ya later alligator.

The Panhandle

2009-03-19T20:26:00.003-04:00

Alright fellow bloggeteers, a little ten day lapse, but nikia's back in it to win it. Me and the wifey went to the over populated and extremely fun none the less sunshine state. For the first time i got to gamble in a real live casino. Slot machines baccarat tables, blackjack, the whole nine yards. The casino was at the Hardrock cafe and casino hotel. We ate at a restaurant that 7 restaurants inside it. There was a mongolian grill, an italian joint, a sushi tavern with a whole lot of that tasty homemade wasabi, a steak house, a fresh seafood restaurant, a mexican eatery (with the real deal holyfield), and of course and american restaurant. You get to sit and the far edges of this massive room and all the restaurants are in a half circle almost 30 feet away. They had some skyy screwdrivers for the free, and glasses of quality champagne. The casino was off the chain, there was nothing but hot attendants in there "uniforms" and motherfuckers smoking the place up to talk to. The machines are fuckin wall to wall homies. We played the lucky sevens and the ball roller. The sevens are just the classic spin and get 3 in a row. The ball roller was this cool one with a row of seven numbers and you can change them at any time, the balls roll across the screen with a number on each of them, for every number you match you get your bet back, my uncle who was there with us won like 400.00 bucks. I'm no gamblin man by any means so i just spent a good dub and rolled on in the car. The funnest shit was the bear. My grandmother in law (?) was having bear troubles the whole time we were there. They ate her trash and tore down her fence and fucked the neighbors yard up all the way around. Luckily we didn't have any run ins on a personal level. (no thank you). I did get some ice threads and my wifey astounded me with a new chain. Being as sharp as a tack that she is, she even got me my favorite , kind, a nice silver herring bone. (NICE*) Anyhow, keep ya knife in ya pocket and if you got a car lock it. Nikia J out.

Dual Action Cleanse

2009-03-09T10:47:00.004-04:00

Well folks here we are again to talk about another ridiculous thing which shouldnt exist. yes its the dual action cleanse. for when you need to cleanse your colon and detoxify your life. its like that movie the road to wellsville where everyone does enemas all the time. its totally crazy. i know i for one dont want hot ass water being squirted up my ass. generally stuff comes out of it not goes up it. its just the wrong order. plus i think my colon is doing good. it still works that seems like a pretty good sign to me. when i used to do the night auditing thing at the shitty ass promenade i watched that infomercial for probably 30 minutes on day just for lack of better stuff on tv. and i know for a fact that the dual action guy is totally crazy. i challenge you to listen to what he says and see if it sounds right to you. plus he ruined a good name, someone else could have used that name. like one of those pert plus shampoos. you know, with the shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle. thats dual action and it cleanses. or those new soap things for the dish washer with two colors of liquid on top of the whiteness, thats double cleaning action. but anyhow i must be getting back to the business. until next time dont step on a crack or it will break your mothers back.

The Long Awaited Return

2009-03-04T11:06:00.003-05:00

Alright gang im back. sorry it took so long but i have been real busy with life and all that kind of good stuff. so lets fill you in on some of the stuff. first off felix had kittens. 4 to be exact. they are already about 3 weeks old. we have two black and two tuxedo. they are already starting to run about the house with glee. toby loves them alot. he licks them all over. and they seem to like it. at work things have been starting to pick up so i am not able to keep up with my cnn as well. although i do know all about the octomom. isnt that jsut sad? what a dumb ass lady. she wanted a big family, and she got one. now she says it was a mistake. she should have realized that earlier, like with her 6 other kids 3 of which are all messed up and need medical stuff. anyhow up hers. we almost had snow here in savannah. it would have been cool. but we didnt get it, just a bunch of really cold really shitty weather. but now it is starting to warm up and by the end of the week it ought to be back into the 70's. that means summer is almost here and it will be beach time. so i need to get toby some ropes so as he can pull my cooler around for me. it will be very spiffy and i think he will enjoy helping. toby isnt selfish. mr jones got me a super sweet b-day present. thank you sir. also some really sweet x-mas gifts. we have yet to get ours for him and his lady but when the money is right the gifts will be plentiful. plentiful indeed. we may even have to find ourselves a tiny tim to say "and god bless us everyone". we will be accepting applications for the role in our comments area. please feel free to apply more than once. well gang i suppose thats enough for now. and never fear i shant be away from scrappys for so long ever again. until next time be easy on your peasy and dont become japanesy.

Everyday its Nikia's way

2009-02-15T22:44:00.002-05:00

This blog ladies and gentlemen will be short sweet and to the point. Vengeance hath once again cast its warm smile upon the nigga you know as Nikia Jonez. This sort of thing only happens every once in a while, but PLEASE know this, I once heard somewhere that vengeance is not a straight line, or a curve, but a massacre of points intersecting and intertwining into once aother until he that is true to his aim stands alone and undefeated. With that, i must depart and deal with the shit storm. (And i aint talking umbrellas) Ya'll change you air filters regularly. Nikia J out.......

Manslaughter

2009-02-08T19:35:00.002-05:00

Ok cadettes, i got news so i'm gonna tell it: I think that i'm on ferdinand's hit list. Like i walk in my house and he bails, so i go on about my nightly routine, a little beer, cigarette you know. Then i look and see that he has laced my indeed tasty newport with cyanide. At first i don't really think that much about it and proceed to take a fresh square out of my pack. When i go to open the microwave after heating up some of the lady's very tasty homemade lasagne, i see this wire sticking out of the side of our microwave and realize it was running to the light switch and was gonna zap me the second that i touched it. I starting adding 2 and 2 but the answer wasn't 4. I looked around and wondered if some crafty dirty ass ninja was trying to take a nigga out, but there was no way they would've slipped passed me like that. Mind still racing i began to think maybe i was just losing my fuckin cool and that maybe i should just go to bed. Then i saw the syringe, then the cat-nip. I knew immediatley what the fuck was going down in china town. I walked into the room and the whole gang was there, holiday, furio, kramer, but no ferdinand. I turn back towards the living room and found him "sleeping" in my chair. He gave me the crazy eye and simply began to go on about his business. I finally had to say something to his bitch ass, and all i said was nice try. I chilled for awhile longer and went to bed. When i woke up my vision was blurred and i was a little short of breath and there was the smell of plastic everywhere. All at once when i went to yawn my vision went super blurry and my breath seem to fill the room, i reached up to rub the sleep out of my eyes and get my mind right and what should i find but a plastic bag over my head. I had enough, i got up and found ferdinand sharpening his claws with a steel bastard file. He gave me the look, as did i, so i locked him in the closet and waited for his dt's to stop long enough to tell him he was gonna have to try a little harder to knock a nigga off the block that what he was. He just grinned his shit eating fox grin and went on about his business. So you heard it here first sports fans, if i happen to just go M.I.A. go the southside andfind that orange cool-aid motherfucker and give him the what's what. This has been a public service announcement paid for by dem niggas inc. ya'll stay fly, and floss on the reggie. N.j. out

You know you ghetto

2009-02-05T22:21:00.002-05:00

(By Bishop Lamont)
U know u ghetto (don't be ashamed )
U ghettoU ghetto ( don't be ashamed )
U ghetto
U know
u ghetto
U know u ghetto when you got rats and roaches
With the fan in the window, front door wide open
U know u ghetto when u say "Ain't & Finna"
Change the channel with some pliers, got a hanger for a antenna
U know u ghetto eating chicken everyday
With color weave in your hair and you tricking for a pay
Gold teeth in your mouth
Out talking loud
And the car that you drive cost more than your house
U know u ghetto when your job is illegal
Live in the projects with furniture like rich people
U know u ghetto when you cook with lard
Only credit that you got is your food stamp card
U know u ghetto when you own section 8
Hair do's everyday, but you pay your bills late
Understand this song, get your jam on
And yo grandma whip you with whatever she get her hands on
U know u ghetto ( look at the way you walk)U ghetto ( c'mon, listen to how you talk)U ghetto ( look at the clothes you wear)U ghetto ( haa, look at that style of hair)U know u ghetto[Bishop]
U know u ghetto picking boogers and you flick 'em
And eat with your hands stead of washing 'em, you lick 'em
You don't know your daddy
And your hair nappy
People catch the Holy Ghost in church getting happy
U know u ghetto call the crib your house
Be at funerals screaming, fighting, then fall out
U know u ghetto selling clothes that you stole
And when you go out it's like a fashion show
U know u ghetto with a name like Shaniqua, Pookie, Red, and Peanut putting codes in your beeper
When you hear stuff, helicopter, city busSiren, trains, shots, straight out of the ice cream truck[chorus]
U know u ghetto only shop when there's a sale
Late everywhere you go with an excuse to tell
U know u ghetto when you pee outside
Catch bronchitis, get full and sleep tight
U know u ghetto when y'all stealing cable
Cussing and DJin on underground radio
Saying Yo' Mama jokes
Fighting on talk shows
Mattress against the wall
Ain't no frame, it's on the floor
U know u ghetto with dreads, plaits, and braidsWeave, colorful nails, afros, wraps, and waves
U ghetto, wont pay back money that you borrow
And wearing an outfit you gon' return tomorrow
U know u ghetto betting on a number
Using words like "Uhh-huh", "Naw", and "Uhh-uhh"
Stead of "Mom" you say "Ma", stead of "Dad" you say "Da"
You see nickel stores, bar-b-cue stands, and laundromats[chorus]
U know u ghetto punching ain't playing house right
Your kids bare foot playing outside
Eat food of the ground, say "God, bless the church"
Let your kids drink beer talking bout "It gives 'em worms"
U know u ghetto borrowing your friends clothes
Ran out of water supplies from people next door
U know u ghetto heat the house with the oven
And anybody famous from the hood your cousin
U know u ghetto cussing out your teacer
And when something happen your mama screaming "Lord Jesus!"
When you use street knowledge
Graduate from school and go to jail instead of college
U know u ghetto bar-b-cuein every holiday
Pizza man wont even deliver around your way
Where the gang hang out, cornerstore hang out
Mom's at the gas station begging for some change now

Indeed its the rub.

2009-01-18T07:58:00.002-05:00

Well folks here we are again. This is the 299th blog her on the scrappys. who thought we would even get this far? not I says the cat. but we did and with authority we made it all the way through a topsy turvy 2008 and here we are now in a nice cooling 20090. what new wonders await us? aliens? i doubt it. nuclear bombs? maybe. birthday cakes? yes. and i know a certain someone who happens to have a birthday coming soon. its me. im getting pretty jazzed up about the 24th annual tommy day. every year the excitement builds and builds and ultimately i have to work or i get shitty real early and fall asleep on my couch before 8pm. but not this year. oh no. i am going to get extra sleep the day before and make sure to have my birthday off. my bday is a monday this year so i can even take advantage of some happy hour specials and get some cheap food. food is one of the festivals most important things. well gang i dont have anything else to tell about for now but later ill try to get a little more of the good stuff for you. until then be cool and stay easy

Down fo tha brown

2009-01-14T17:34:00.006-05:00

Alright Alright cousins and cousinettes, its been a good minute since i got my blog on, so without any further prep talk for the delivery of the content of today's pearl of wisdom. I'm gonna hit ya'll with some straight up migo wisdom. Man do i love being brown, food, family, beer, we have awesome parties, i guess the only thing i really don't dig is the clothes that you may see the real mexicans wear, like the whole cowboy thing, with the boots (not to mention the ostrich, croc, or snake skin ones) and the hats and those huge gold and silver belt buckles. (No fucking way mane) Anyway, some of my favorites times in life have been when i gets to kick it with my dear old dads. Ya see dad is straight up mexican, big moustache, the boots the hats the long western jackets the whole motha fuckin nine yards. He drives big ass F-150's and other type trucks, and my uncle Pancho, severo, toche, joel, armando, and efrain. They all do it big in there trucks with the rims and the stickers and the little fringy thing that hangs from the top of the cab down to the sun visors like this. They butcher there dinner alot of times rigt in there own front yard and always manage to cook every last organ and use it in some type of tasty dish. Now the cool shit, my grandpa once cured a wart i had on my foot with an animal bone. (no joke) I showed it to him one day and the next morning he got me out of bed before the sun came up and took me out to the hay field and got me to hold still while he kicked around a bunch of dirt, he hit this deer jaw bone that was laying on its side with his foot and picked it up and walk over to me and "doctored" it sorta with the side that was laying on the ground. (it went away in like 2 days)-NO JOKE. My grandma, she was like a mountain woman, and she was at least 60 years old when i met her, she chopped wood and butchered animals and raised chickens, ut she didn't beleive in hot water. (?) She knew cool ass shit that i never even thought about. Like using ashes to clean metal. That shit was cool as fuck, if your grill or anything around the crib needs a good scrubbing try using dirt and ashes if soap fails miserably. My uncles knew all these cool things about chicks and beer. (yeah) Like how to make "micheladas" But i'm not gonna tell ya all the 411 on that. George Lopez has exposed too much in the world of the Pencas. Which while were on it i'll at least tell ya's what the deal is with that. See, in spanish we call each "buey, pata-rahada, essay, vato, pelado" shit like that. In english with the english inclined homies, we spit "penca" at each other because in english in means "branch" like we are each a branch of mexico. Moving right along. One of my aunt Angelica's (yeah i got 2) taught me how to give deep tissue massage and how to treat snake bite and bee stings with dirt spit and leaves. (gangsta) My uncle pancho taught me how to treat your vehicle, inside and out. This nigga puts a guayaba underneath his driver seat, and he has the best smelling ride i have ever rode EVER!!!!!!!! Now my dads, this nigga was mexican military and grew up poor in the deserts of mexico. I saw the ranch where he grew up and the room he was literally born in. (yeah nigga fuck a hospital) This nigga knows sht about cars that mechanics wont tell ya. He can lasso animals from far away with his rope trick shit. He can tie a knot that no man can escape. Me? I got a little of this and more from this side of te family. We kick it big when we all get together and make chicharones in our cazo and man if you haven't ever had that shit you are missing the fuck out. Not to mention carnitas and hand made home made gorditas and tortillas. Shit nigga im ungry i gotta go. Keep ya curtains closed Nikia out.

The number one most aggravating thing

2009-01-06T06:57:00.002-05:00

Well gang once again it is unfortunately that time when the jack ass scad kids come back. and this i hate. i saw more people with two color hair and tight pants yesterday than i ever want to see. frankly i dont want to see any bu i suppose when being cool means looking like a jack ass ill let it go sometimes. but it was just too much. therefore when i get out of work today i will be making my "I hate SCAD kids" t-shirt and then taking the dog for a walk so i can show off my shirt. fuck those kids. anyhow thinking about this tends to infuriate me and i dont need that at work. there is plenty of that to go around already. so until next time i fucking hate some scaggots or scadniks or assholes. it all depends on what you want to call them.

Jimmie Verlin Glover

2009-01-03T22:44:00.004-05:00

Well gals and gal pals, you know who it is and you know what i am here to do, so lets get it. First, christmas and new year have come to pass for 2008 making it a full flavor extra strength 2009. My christmas was lined in disaster as my good ol grandma died the day after. My grandma was sharp as a tac, she should have been a mathematician she could crunch numbers like a kid do candy. She hunted deer and raised chickens, and she never ever at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever forgot a date, i mean never, holidays, birthdays anniversaries she knew them all by heart. She only drove a dodge, she had a .38 revolver she kept by her bed at all times. She has given me more that i can even begin to explain in words. I saw her on thanksgiving to which it had been a year before then and i must express to you that i truly have come to understand what guilt is. On top of all of this she worked hard all her life, in plant nurseries, she drove a cab for a while too, then gramps taugt her how to be a carpenter. They painted and varnished and demo'ed and all the things you can possibly imagine that can be done to a home. She smoked cigarettes til the day she died, and let me tell you, i have already begun to steer clear of those tempting tasty newports. Its true, the death of the greatest person in my life struck fear in places that i thought were impossible to feel anything and have caused a chain of events to get off the nicotine and back on the tar free lung scene. Anyhow rep where and ya stay. Nikia jones out.

Still looking fine in 2009

2009-01-01T13:22:00.003-05:00

Happy 2009 team. we made it through one more year. and everyday the not going to jail streak gets longer and longer. and we all hope it stays that way. so lets take a look back at 2008 and see what all happened. early in 2008 i got fired from the good old hiltony hilton. then i got a job at a japanese place and we all know how that went down(shitty) then i got the job at the promenade as a night auditor from 11pm to 7am(also shitty but not a restaurant) after that it was over to the sheraton which was awesome until the guy who hired me got fired and then the new boss was a cunt and she didnt like me. so they cut my hours severely and that brings us to the good old cambria. and thats where i am now. literally right now i am at work. this is what i do when i am here. well this and watch tv. not a whole lot more. lets see here what else happened in 2008? well we got toby the dog and we all love toby. this is what toby looked like when we first got him. he still isnt full grown yet but this is what we hope he will ultimately look like. although i wouldnt be to upset if he turned out like mans best friend. that movie was so scary when i was little. but anyway toby is awesome. what else happened in 08? one of my buds moved to chicago with his then girlfriend but now wife. two of my other buddies moved to new york city. different parts though as i understand. another of my buddies got some sweet job with osh kosh b'gosh and now he flies all over the world. no joke. i got my playstation 3. that was a big day. i still have it and it still works. one day i might get this special keyboard that goes with it and do a blog from home. but i dont know if i like the sound of that. i prefer to get paid while im doing my blog. it more like im getting paid to do it that way. it just gives me that warm fuzzy feeling. lets see here what else did i do in 2008. i went to casbah the moroccan place with the belly dancers. it was good. i had some sex. thats always nice. i read some magazines and some other blogs. i dont think i did anything all too wild. i guess you could say 2008 was a very mild year for this particular sandford. but never fear 2009 is here now and i make a vow right here and now that there will be more wildness in 2009. i might even figure out how to get the pictures off of my camera and put them on here so you all can see all the cool shit that i know about. but until then you will all have to miss out. alrighty well thats enough for today as i cant think of anything else to put down. which i am sure is obvious from the rambling nature of the blog. have a good year gang, and as always GO DAWGS. and be easy on your peasy or you may become japanesey

I love pepper bacon

2008-12-30T13:01:00.003-05:00

Its been a while since there has been a saying on the side of a fast food bag that i have agreed with. and i thought about it a long time just to be sure. and damn do i love pepper bacon. although i suppose i do love any kind of bacon. except of course tofu bacon and turkey bacon. they merely are not bacon. bacon comes from pigs. where does turkey bacon come from? probably from the same place as the mcrib. and of course tofu is just stupid. nothing else need be said about tofu but that its stupid. bacon on the other hand is not. when i eat it i sometimes feel bad for those who dont. then i feel anger towards those who wont. there is no good reason to just not eat it. if you are allergic or have high blood pressure are valid reasons to eat no bacon. thats it that i can think of. bacon isnt about watching your figure its about awesomeness. its like chocolate for men. mmmm greasy crispy floppy bacon. i prefer mine extra floppy. just hot enough to be considered almost done. thats where its at for me. other than my thoughts on bacon i suppose it has been some time since the last blog. we did have a little holiday called christmas just the other day and that was nice. i had to work xmas day but the next day it all started up big time. the 26th i went with my mom to visit the sis in south carolina. ate some california dreaming. always good times. 27th we woke up early to go to the ladys moms house and eat breakfast. it was also awesome although i do prefer non runny eggs. it just makes me feel like i may be eating raw eggs. i prefer them to be more lik grits. then we went to meet the ladies dad downtown for pizza at vinnies. also totally awesome but after breakfast a mere hour before getting up the steam to eat 3 slices was tricky. all in all a good day. nice and sunny about 80 degrees. then on the 28th a trip out to the country to visit my pa. we took good old toby the beast with us. he loves some running. although the 2 hour drive was almost to much for him. but we ate there and played with toby. my dad is a little bit off so playing fetch with toby was something he enjoyed. but they played and played and on the way back home toby just slept his little face off. it was of course very cute. anywho i must be off now as i do sometimes do actual work at work. not often mind you but i am about to now. if i can find something to do. until next time gang watch out for space crabs. they are a silent killer

Im ticking for the Dethklok

2008-12-17T18:19:00.004-05:00

Ok guys and gals, once again your co-pilot and all around friendly neighborhood mexiCAN gettin back at ya with some rhymes for the times. I have been watching dult swim for a while now and they got a show, not just any show, thats kicks ass and takes names some what like that of charles bronson. But there clever like ol Macguyver, and not too mention mean as a rattle snake like the chuck. The show is known simply as METALOCALYPSE. This show is not your average fart joke punch line type shit, oh no. This shit has mermaid murder. What is mermaid murder? Its one of there best songs! The show is about a band (dethklok) with the band members Nathan Explosion (lead vocals) William murderface murderface merderface (bass), Toki Wartooth (rythym guitar), Skwisgaar Skwigelf (lead guitar), and Pickles on the drums. Now back to the murmaid murder! The band decides to go underwater and record a death metal album that is "dedicated" to all underwater life of the sea, the fans love it and they are a rare breed of metalhead, these people risk there lives and health to see a live dethklok concert (something always happens and people get killed). Every thing from an atempt from the government, (oh yeah the man keeps tabs on them and tries different ways to kill them and infiltrate there super awesome house "mordore" ) There Dr. Roxo the cocaine sorting rock n roll clown straight outta the 80's and rehab. Well for now yall thats really all i have to report, im sickly and feelin like a pile of freshly hammered shit, so, yeah, laters. Keep your fridge shut!

I thought i knew it all.

2008-12-16T18:22:00.003-05:00

Good evening once again cadets and cadettes. tonite i am here to humble myself. and this doesnt happen ofetn so enjoy it. the past month has been a real eye opener for me. i thought i knew all the good stuiff that was out there. king of thwe hill, family guy, run ronnie run. but then i found out there was stuff that i didnt even know about yet. like the flight of the conchords. that shit is just gd damn fucking funny. and i never knew. but know i do and i am here to sing its praises. so dont be messin with the rhymnocerous or the hiphopapotamus or you will be messin with scrappys. and messin with scrappys is the a charles bronson movie. its a death wish. then i found out about its always sunny in philadelphia. iots got everything. controversy, jokes that make you laugh and squirm a little with the wrongness of them. and not to mention a very short angry old man named danny devito. unfortunately he doesnt wear his penguin costumes in the show. but its not needed. later in the month i discovered sawa. its this bad ass chinese and japanese restaurant. but its not your normal shitty chinese food. the meat has meat shape and there isnt in excess grease dripping from every bite. my eyes have been opened. not to mention mutha fuckin zaxbys! if you havent eaten here and you have said that another fast food place is the best then you are straight out wrong. zaxbys blows everything else out of the water. unless you want burgers because they dont have that but still they have all things chicken and its all delicious. well gang that about all i have time for today so until next time watch your backs because the reaper is always behind you and remember to have updated zombie attack plans posted in easy to see places in your place of residence, everyday the zombie invasion gets one day closer.

Who throws a shoe?

2008-12-14T21:33:00.003-05:00

Well folks it has happened. a reporter took off his shoes and threw them one at a time at GW. if you dont believe it check it out. people would pay money to do that and that guy does it for free. but tonite i wanted to talk about something else. free stuff. i love it. tonite i fanagled my way to two ham hocks a sixer of cokes in the glass bottles(those are the best kind, the chronic of cokes if you will) and some squash casserole, collards, bbq, green beans, and some mac and cheese. who doesnt call that a win? i know i do. and this is the good shit too. i didnt have to cook it or do anything but eat it. well gang it seems like i dont have to much to impart unto you today so until next time dont let the anticipation kill and be easy on the peasy.

Seinfeld

2008-12-14T17:00:00.002-05:00

Yeah, its about that time sportsfans, you know, the time to clock out and chill hard like ice, but before we get to that point, the gravy train on biscuit wheels must come to a stop right next to seasons 1, 2, and 3 of the Seinfeld. I do like watching george kramer and elaine and seinfeld do it big all around the city of new york. I watched some of the extra shit on the special features to discover that the dude who plays george thinks that the characters they play are "dark" and really just some bad seeds all the way around. I got to thinking about that, like actually thinking, and i had just a hint of a thought as to personal reflection,. What if george is right, and his friends are twisted ass physcos who are deliberately fucking other people's shitup but not meaning too. Then i thought about it even more, and i wondered if i was really a shit ass and had been fucking other people's shit up but totally not meaning to on purpose. Then, it hit me, i took the dvd out and put it back in the case and realized that the show was makingme think too goddamn much, and that ill stick to some good ol cartoons. Ya'll put some baking soda in the freezer, n 2 da J out. Peace........................

Chainsaws and Hog mauls

2008-12-12T21:50:00.002-05:00

Well ladies and gents its almost quitting time and I'm starving like marvin. I was reading about John Gotti, and i gotta tell ya, he was one hard core motherfuckin gangsta ass dude. This fucker chopped a guy up with a chainsaw by his own hands because he ran his son over one day while riding his bike. That is gangsta gangsta, tonight y the way, at the hiltony hilton we got a gang of those corporate christmas parties going on and this shit is caking on my nerves. I did get hit on by this cougar who wasn't all that bad looking she just had that lithium smile. (way too happy, like she may be on xanax full time or some shit) The dj in the atrium doesn't suck for a change he's been flippin wax from everybody from ice-cube to vanilla ice. The best is yet to come as they say at times, for me the good times will unveil as soon as i get my ass up outta here and geta few cold ones down the old trachea. Alot of these airforce douches are bogarting a nigga's patience with there shallow half assed atempts at getting free shit. I'd like to take this time to adress that fucker "soulja boy" ya see, that shit is gay, its not even rap, and he can't even make up a good dance. I was checking out some you tube beef between Ice-T and soulja suck ass, and this shit ass seems to think that he is the future of the rap recording industry, i myself would have to agree with T that there is no fucking way in hell that the bullshit he's trying to pass off as music will amount to shit is a matter of months. Anyway, fuck soulja boy and his gay ass (ness). I gotta get the hell outta this peice. Ya'll stay warm and throw away your left overs. Nikia J on his way. PEACE-

Tommys Tinting: Come and get it while its cheap

2008-12-10T21:18:00.002-05:00

Once again gang here i am and there you are. Im typing away and you are eagerly reading hoping that the next word will be just as good as the one before. and it always is. so in the spirit of not disappointing, i give you Tommy's Tinting. its a special kind of tint that doesnt make you look like a drug dealer and the cops wont hassle you as much. Additionally its easy to apply. heres how it works. you bring me your car and i keep it for a week. in the mean time you get a rental dont worry. despite the easy application of the tint it take time to perfect it. we start out by taking the dogs to the dog park, windows up. this is where the tinting process really takes off. because the dogs know we are dog park bound they start panting hard and moving to the edges of the car. right by the window. this is where they put their noses all over the window and there may be some licking as well if your car is clean. basically we do this everyday for the whole week we have your car. then by the time you get your car back there will be nose prints all over your windows. so much so that people wont be able to see in. heck you might even have trouble seeing out. the genius behind this is that all the nose rubbing happens on the inside so that when it rains it doesnt wash away your sweet tinting. alrighty gang thats what i had to say and now its said so until i start saying more things keep waiting on me to say them. until next time

40 oz.

2008-12-10T20:28:00.002-05:00

Man i need a beer ya'll. This shit is sucking ass, ya see, there are alot of nice asses in the hilto today, but none of the bearers of these suculent rear ends are worth opening your mouth to talk to. (Im fuckin serious) My good buddy k.b. has had a bad start to the night with the heat and a\c going schizo for what seems to be no apparent reason at all what so ever. Im really looking forward to just getting home and having some chilli that my rear end bearer hasspent most of the day preparing in amongst taking her final exams and sleeping in with me! (oh yeah, good times) I can't wait to get the fuck outta the hiltony hilton today. This whole "situation" were in with the economy sucks alot and overall im just sick of these rich ass holes crying over how their getting raped over and over again. I have also narrowed down a special breed of ass hole here lately. I noticed it at first with just a few people my age who were complainging about bush and his tax breaks, the little by little they let on that they were bitching because they had voted for him and were getting taxed to the limit and almost broke, so being as inquisitive as i am i ask if they were rich and if that was why they had voted for his half retarded ass. They look at me kinda, weird, and then they answer me honestly and say no, and i direct them to a webpage that clearly shows bush's tax cuts being made specifically for the rich. I couldn't help but ask if they were stupid. Too which they said no and we polished off some mo beers. But i mean come the fuck on, you vote for a dullard, expect dull ass results. Anyhow, i wanna drink a 40 and i got to get the hell off the computer so we can "link down" ya'll keep ya socks white. Nikia J on his way.

Christmas Timey

2008-12-08T17:34:00.004-05:00

Once again team it is that magical time of year when it snows alot of places but almost never here. why is that? well its because its just too awesome here, thats what i say at least. today im sitting here at work and im trying to decide what to get my fam for xmas. i am going to get a COCKS hat for my brother in law and some soaps and shit for my sister. and anna will be getting stuff for her hair which if i dont get i will be murdered. then comes the moms. she says all she wants is some shitty slippers but is that good enough? i good get her some nice slippers but she wouldnt wear them although she would say that she would. or i could get her the shitty cheap kind and she would be happy but i would feel like i hadnt gotten enough so i figure she will get some soaps and shit too. luckily women are easy to shop for because you can always get a deal on those bull shit soap baskets and stuff. on another page tonite is the bucs game and we are pretty stocked about that. at least i am because it means i will have something to do here other than play shitty internet games. lets see here what else is there to say. fuzzy ran away again. she has been gone almost a week but we still hope she will come back. someone has probably got her and is stealing all of our loving. dirty bitches. felix has been trying real hard to get it on and we have been good about keeping here from getting outside to get some but she did. at least she got outside hopefully she hasnt been doing alot of getting it on. she has definitly been outside wailing for all the cats to come and get some. i just talked to anna and she managed to get felix back in the house but she was kicking and screaming and clawing. and now there are two cats meowing at the back door trying to get felix to come out. well gang i suppose thats enough for now. until next time be easy and stay outta jail

Recognition

2008-12-04T21:32:00.003-05:00

Well once again ladies and ladiesmen, nikia j riding high, and not so fly. Its been a good minute since i had the chance to get down with the get down and feed the ever so hungry pages of our all time favorite blog of blogs. First things first, i think today i may have discovered what the fuck i wanna do with my future. Having not brought this out into the open until right now, i will explain this much: for years i have put off school and travel to find just what in the flying fuck i wanna do with my life but so much shit that i have done and gotten into interests me to the point that i didn't wanna settle with one certain thing in fear that i may miss out on some other cool type shit that i was/am interested in doing. Also, niggas just be too mothafuckin busy stacking them chips, slicing that pie, and buttering that bread to just stop and do some new shit. But anyways, i wanna work on williams street in atlanta ga. For those of you who have no clue what the hell this might be, it is simply an animation studio for my most favorite block of t.v. called adult swim where it all goes down like a plane crash. See, t.v. is way too serious, and i wanna be part of that which not so much so. (so to speak) plus i just love some straight funy cartoons. The other half of that is the degree, (yeah, this nigga here in college) that this will require is in a field that is always changing and evolving with time. (media comunications) That of course will only change if mankind decides that they no longer require staying in touch and shit. For now fellow scrapians thats all i got to give. Ya'll keep ya toothbrush sanitary.

Things change

2008-11-23T12:49:00.002-05:00

Whats up gang. today we are going to talk about things that change. things that change for the good and things that change for the bad. lets start with the bad. diet cherry chocolate dr pepper. what the fuck is that? regular dr p is good enough for me so its good enough for everyone else too. what about changing the names on crayons from orange to macaroni and cheese. fuck that. the only things that should have names that mean flavor is purple drinks and blue drinks. we all know what blue and purple taste like so they dont need any extra defining. another example of something that was changed that shouldnt have been is little kids. they used to be nice now they are all bastards. and lets not forget about seat belt laws. god damn was that shit bad. fuck those bastards that pushed for that to be a law. if i want to wear my seat belt i will and if i dont want to wear it in my own fucking car that i bought with my fucking money then i wont. god damn does that piss me off. lastly clear pepsi. what the fuck was that? it looked like sprite and it tasted like ass. does that sound like a good idea? almost as good as the chips that made your ass leak. not cool. now for some stuff that has been a good change. tampa bays uniforms to start with. that old orange shit was awful. its a little more difficult to think of things that have changed for the better. i do have another change for the worse. those bull shit ass cameras at stop lights. i say if they dont see it with their own eyes then i get to get away with it. thats just bull shit. mailing you a fucking ticket. ill show them where they can mail it to. and by that i mean they can shove it up their asses. while i ranting a bit on the old government lets talk about the courthouse and city workers. if there is a building with more useless and lazy fucks in it than the chatham county courthouse i dare you to find it. it cant be done. they are unwilling to help they always just pass you onto someone else who in turn passes you. thats why when i worked at the shitty japanese restaurant i would tell them when i sat them at their tables. you are going to get courthouse service. so just sit ill bring you your drinks in 20 minutes and then i might take your order but then again you may have to go home and fill out three forms and come back, but i wont tell you which ones and no matter what they still wont have the right ones. haha i showed them, those bastards. alrighty then gang until next time watch out for the man and stick it to the man whenever you can.

Braggin

2008-11-19T19:18:00.002-05:00

Alrighty fellow bloggers and bloggettes, hope all is well and far from hell. I really don't have a fuckin clue what to blog about, me and the E are just sitting around on chill waiting for the happy china guy to show up with the LoMein and the egg rolls. (we some hungy ass ghetto motherfuckers). WAIT! I just thought of something that is gold! The other day my esteemed colleage and co-worker (the kyle) informs me that on craigslist i was mentioned as a missed connection, now if you don't know what this is, it's basically a forum where you leave a message to some one who you met and wanted to hook up with. So just now a dude from the hilton garden inn calls and tells me this s.o.b. just checked in and is asking about me and wanting to know if i still worked at the hiltony hilton. (wtf???????!!!!!!!!?!?!?!?!?!) so i thinks im gonna have to pack that steel on that one, i mean, the shit head left me a message and never got hit back, so what the fuck else does one need to get the message? Enough of that, i also am getting worried about this habit i just picked up, i cant seem to not do the crossword puzzle in the paper everyday. I get the paper read it over and then little by little i lose patience and have to jump to the middle page and fish out that glorious array of blank squares and fill them one at a time racking my brains to solve what seems practically unanswerable. Anyhow, i gotta go get down with the get down. Ya'll eat hearty, and healthy it'll keep you alive a lot longer! this is a ramble from the mind of the man known as niki jonez.

Sometimes you gotta smell the roses

2008-11-18T08:39:00.003-05:00

Good morning once again fellow scraptonians and welcome to a very joyous and glorious day here at scrappytown. today i have for you something which is near and dear to my heart. it is oh so beloved and joyful. if this doesnt make you smile then your soul is black, like jeffreys. so without much further ado i present you with mullets. and these arent just any mullets, this is all different shapes and styles of mullets. i enjoyed the skullets and the monday mullet quite a good bit. well now that thats out there for your enjoyment i would like to say a few words to the non readers. first off come the fuck on. you guys know this shit is awesome and all you are doing is missing out on some good stuff. you will never know about chuck norris stuff like we do and what about stuff you arent supposed to do. you wont know it. also you wont know what cool cars are supposed to look like. not to mention you wont know how to be a strong person with powers and special skills. if you were reading this blog you would be up to date on all the swinger magazine news. and undoubtedly you are going without the knowledge of Noodles, shame on you. but if thats is not enough to make you come to us then what about a threat of a beating. yea thats right we will beat you down to the ground and then make you eat some dirt. then we will pop the wheels on your bike and throw your ice cream in the sand. we will take your lunch money and grind your gears. i guess to sum up all that we will mess you up. bad.

Slap a Jew day

2008-11-17T20:20:00.002-05:00

Hey there hi there hello there humans and humanettes. Do you know a jew? Are you sick of the penny pinching pussy ass antics of the bar mitzvah breed? Than do i have the solution for you!!!! We'll title it simply as SLAP A JEW DAY! It will be the greatest of holidays. Instead of chocolates and sweaters, we'll give each other baby powder for the bitch slapping, and huge paddles with air holes for those real nasty mean ass jews with no soul. Yeah man, it'll be a glorious state of affairs when it all gets underway. The night before slap a jew day we'll have to leave plane tickets out so that those who hae not been just so goddamn jewish have a slight chance to flee, but if all goes according to my master plan then the only thing they can expect upon landing is more ass whoopins from all the other brothers from other mothers of different colors! Imagine a whole world handing out a swift kick to the ass to jews at all four corners of the globe! The possibilities are absolutely fuckin endless! Now to those of you who are jewish or half or whatever, dont worry, Im sure that you can hide out in a temple or just stay on a plane until the holiday season is over. Whatever you do just keep yo ass outta germany!

Lame(s)

2008-11-16T22:28:00.005-05:00

Man what the fuck happen to cartoons? We used to kick it to batman, eek the cat, spiderman, theuncany x-men (saturday mornings on fox-never missed an epiosode), the superfriends, He-man, captain bucky O'hare, captain planet, beavis and butthead, ren and stimpy, the swat kats, kenan and kel, are you afraid of the dark, doug, the angry beavers, the thunder cats, ghost busters, teenage mutant ninja turtles, the biker mice from mars, mighty max, and all kinds of other cool kick ass shit. But here lately the only good catroons are on adult swim, (like late night on cartoon network). The next few years thekids in this world are gonna have like no inspiration, and no imagination. I mean He-man was my hero til like.... I don't know if he ever stopped being my hero come to think about it. Then there was the ninja turtles, the only reason to ever love a 5 foot rat that wore a kimono and carried a stick. Plus, you had to love to hate the shredder, and there buddy casey jones was pretty cool in his jason mask, and air jordans. I just don't get this uprising of sappy ass harry potter shit. Then you got that blues clues bullshit. I can't even begin to get started on some of the lames shit on cable, (aside from adult swim of course). Did you know that the creator of spongebob is a guy gay, and for that reason people want it ban from television!?!?! To me spongebob is kinda like a half smurf half snork spin off with a dum ass starfish name patrick thrown in to make it a lil funnier. Who the hell knows? They really gotta up the anty with this baby ass cartoon shit though. I mean its bad enough that wrestling sucks a fat ass choad, but not the toons man, you gotta draw theline somewhere in the sand, so you heard it hear first sportsfans, stop staring at the tata's and help save the fuckin toons too. Ya'll use bleach in the whites. No to the J on his way. Peace.

Supa Dupa Fly

2008-11-14T19:58:00.003-05:00

I think i just invented one of the coolest back handed slaps EVER! Let me start at the beginning and when i come to the end I'll stop. First, the perp. Whoever has done whatever make sure that they actually deserve the back handing and your not just trying to capitalize on the Nikia Jonez knockout back hand. Second, get the perp in your sights and find a way to sit, stand, work, walk, beside them so that they are on your right hand side. (with the slapping hand well within face range). Next, you wanna make sure they have no idea what's coming. Make for certain that you have them rapt in a good conversation and that they have no idea of the five finger discharge thats on the way. (yeah yeah, redundancy) So here it is you the perp, you have them on the right side of you and you curl your hand into a fist and knock that fucker on his ass, and let him know that you WERE gonna slap the piss out of him but you ain't no bitch ass nigga with no nuts. And if they perpetrate on yo shit again you gonna ice em over good with a shovel and a motha fuckin extension cord, like a goddamn fridge full of bootleg you gotta bury in the back yard before the fuzz show up and steal it all and throw a country ass nigga in jail. My bad, sorta ranted there for a minute. Ya'll keep a map in the ride, n to the J on his way. This has been a public service aouncement from the party to eliminate hoe ass niggas.

MEAT

2008-11-12T17:59:00.002-05:00

Alright all you motherfuckers out there in computer land. Get off your asses and mail me a dollar. I gotta plan to get rich super fuckin quick, and all it takes is you, and a dollar. Start with a dollar bill, or 4 quarters, (nothing smaller due to the time it will take to count it all up), then ever so carefully wrap the dough, clams, bread, ducketts, semolians, benjamins, or green, (place your vernacular here) in a peice of white paper and send it to 11400 whitebluff road APT 188 savannah ga 31419. Now then, once that cash flow starts coming in there will be great chages made. First, i will start my own meat packing plant. Not like chicken and pork, oh no, we'll be packing that pastrami. I will travel all the way to Italy just to find the right paisan to hook it up and spice it just right. I wanna out sell the carnegie deli. We'll also have that black ass angus beef aged or just fresh out the slaughter houe, which i will own too. Our marketing stragety will consist of just delivering the meat straight to your home within 72 hours or waaaay less. (depends on how far away you live) The gun man will run te office(s) and i will run the slaughter and meat packing stuff. Just think all this from a dollar, from you to me and the investment will live on forever and ever. So get the fuck off your motherfucker slack asses and get to mailing the shit before i get real mad and send a dog turd wrapped in a bloody tampon to yo grandma's house. (this is some sincere shit a'll). Anway, ya'll fully cook your pork and fish, this has been a public service anouncement paid for by the party to put the grrrr in swinger!

Did you ever here the one....

2008-11-10T14:24:00.001-05:00

http://img239.imageshack.us/img239/9718/barackparisfamewd2.jpg

Homies

2008-11-07T20:39:00.004-05:00

How the fuck im free out here and you locked in there? Your whole family acts like I ont care. They don’t know about the nights I just lay in my bed, I cant even sleep I just lay in my bed. Eyes full of tears and a heart full of pain.Take deep breathes everytime I hear your name. You was more than family you was like my brother.
So when the shit went down its like I lost my brother. And I wish we could trade places.
Swear to GOD dog wish we could trade places, livin a life of crime, but it wasn’t your life,
it was more like mine. I often think about the close calls we had. And I often think about the close brawls we had. And I lovedat nigga what you know bout that? And ill do anything toget that motherfuckerback.
That man was our heart I swear to god knew you was real man we saw it from the start.
Even when I was wrong my nigga had my back.
Even when I was right my nigga had my back. We used to laugh when wasn't shit funny. Late night at my grandma house counting money.
I trust you with my life dawg. Since I'm married id trust you with my wife dog.
Any given time a half a mill in your possession.
You aint called in two days man I still wasn’t stressing. Cause when I talk my nigga listen,
Switch shit you used to help me with them pigeons,
MommaLori wont talk to me dawg and it hurts. She treats a nigga like im the scum of the earth. In your eyes I couldn’t do no wrong. So to you I dedicate this song.
Must’ve bust ten rounds through the strap in your lap.
Knew I was a gangsta I wasn’t going for that. Pussy nigga in my yard talkin shit?
Knowin damn well I was on some G shit. Let the whole clip ride and didn’t think.
Let the whole clip ride and didn’t blink.
Bricks in the addict and yout aint know.
Your grandson killin em & he getting 24.
Feds at the door, im out of town. You aint aint tell em shit, you held me down.
Now a-days I wanna rock the mic, but i aint getting paid for that.
And all the shit I been through man im praying bout for that.
Always said I would make it out, wish you could see me now.

Obamas dog

2008-11-06T19:37:00.002-05:00

If this is the stupidest shit i have ever heard people talking about. what if they dont want a fucking dog. what if obama likes some dog fighting and the get a bunch of pits. if i was president the would get like 10 dogs and they would all be the rottweilers. and fuck it if people are scared to come inside the white house. i have seen at least three different people talking about it on tv. this one stupid lady called a poodle hypo allergenic. she mentioned it because apparently one of the obamalettes are allergic to dogs. or so she said. if thats the case why are they even talking about it. if you are allergic to dogs you dont go and get one. if i have to hear anyone else mention that stupid shit i may just slap the piss out of them. and i truly hope they piss themselves. fuck that bull shit.

p.s. obama is going to get a cat

The New Job again

2008-11-06T19:11:00.002-05:00

Well gang i know it has been some time since i have been here to scrappys to dictate to yall how the world works and if you are cool what you should like and not like. but i have returned once again to claim my position of person who does blogs. tonite we are discussing the differences between my new job and old and the whys and hows of how it all went down. first off i didnt want a new job i was slowly forced out but a cunt. she can remain nameless as i try not to be like the people who are ass, or cunts in this case. i really liked it there. it was close to home everyone was cool except for one exception we have already discussed. it was easy and i was just getting the hang of how things worked around there. plus the sheraton has the best employee deals of all the employee deals ever. my new job is also good. here everyone is also nice. the computer system is similar to one i have used before so thats nice too. also we are very slow which is nice because i basically get paid to watch tv. not a bad gig. the most important things of all is of course the fact that i will now be getting full time, even overtime. and as we all know its all about the benjis (thats benjamins for those of you who arent hip or rad) i miss the word rad. more companies should use the word rad in their advertising. i would be more inclined to buy something if i knew it was rad. also if you havent seen it before watch run ronnie run so you can see the kick in the cunt song. or at the very least see if you can find it somewhere in the internet. its gotta be in here somewhere. alrighty then bloods and crips this has been yet another installment in the life and times of one man who happens to be a sandford. until next time be easy. not japanesy

A small profound dedication

2008-11-05T17:34:00.004-05:00

There was one a car wreck on Interstate 75 right at the Florida/Georgia state lines. The young woman driving was thrown through her windsheild and into the back wind sheild of the car sitting in front of her. She had a shattered hip and 8 broken ribs which caused a punctured lung and a ruptured spleen. She held on for 3 excrutiating days, on breathing machines and morphine. This young ladies name was Piper. She had a dear friend that was with her through the thick and thin, they spent many nights sleeping on the beach, and taking car rides for hours down the interstate to nowhere in particular, they would just stop and eat some PBJ's and head back to Tampa. One day Piper's good buddy moved away, far away. Not another country or anything like that, just far enough that there was no way that they were gonna kick it on a regular basis from that point on. Things happen in odd ways when you're far away from all that you know, and this case was no different. They kept in touch, and wrote and sent emails, Piper got to go see her buddy in his new way of life at least once or twice a month, but it was never the same. One day, there was no phone call, then there was no letter, then no email. Piper grew more and more concerned as the days went on and led to weeks, which as always turns into months. She got in her car with her overnight bag and headed to Georgia where the fatal crash would take place. This girl was particularly special to me, and I miss her almost everyday. We never really saw each other that much before it all went down. Laziness and Beauty is a curse. Fo the sho. Ya'll keep close the ones that count the most. N to the J out.

The CCR

2008-11-03T22:00:00.006-05:00

Yes its true sportsfans, Nikia got a weak spot for creedence clear water revival. I mean thats some good ass music, its some shit you put in and let it rip straight to your ear hole. One of the songs they got that i likes the most is green river. That shit always makes me wish for the old times, swimming in my boxers just before the quinceniera, climbing the trees in the woods by the old crib in collins. You know that old chestnut. I gotta google those guys and see whats good in there hood. Even the big lebowski like the creedence. Anyhow, niggas gotta eat too and its just about that time, ya'll keep kickin it like a football. And if you don't like creedence well then fuck you. Nikia jones up out. OH! Heres some other kick ass music making motherfuckers to check out: Korn, Suicidal Tendencies, Bad Religion, The Buthole surfers, Napalm Death, Cannibal- Corpse, Limp Bizkit, Led Zeppelin, 7 dust, Megadeth, white zombie, nine inch nails, rage against the machine, system of a down, die cast, RAMMSTEIN, pulla, Drowning pool (with the original front man), Slipknot, The smashing pumpkins, Pharcyde, Type 0 negative, Low fidelity all stars, Sublime, (early) Orgy, Soundgarden, Green Jelly, The Henry Rollins band. I can't help it sometimes, i sold my soul to rock and roll way back in the day, it just sucks the good stuff isn't as plentiful as it used to be, and some of the people i've named above and certain unmentioned ones too, suck these days when back in the day it was all about banging my head and getting my face melted then being able to chill hard like ice to some snoop and dre, now days, there's a whole lot more chill music than the ones with that killer sinister urge. PEACE.

Faster than a tricycle cooler than an icicle

2008-11-01T21:54:00.003-04:00

When i was still in middle school way back in the day, i remember reading about this super hero named sprocket man, not like the guy in sir elton john's song, this guy looked alot like the daredevil and Captain America combined into one person. He got this sheild like the captain does and his suit is red white and blue like the captain's. His sheild is like a bunch of bike sprockets stacked on top of one another instead of frisbee looking like ol captain america. I tried to find out some shit about him and come to find out his ass is some kinda safety thing in a wannabe comic book sorta like scruff Mcgruff. (he was a pederass) I did like that he was a hound dog in a trench coat though. Anyway so i finds out sprocket man is like this nimbly bimbly bike safety super hero, he throws his "sprocket sheild"? at niggas and shit but all together he's kinda gay and acts alot like a pedefile too. In some of his pic. he wears a helmet (yeah a bicycle helmet cousin) and in others he just has the seagel stare especially if somebody is jacking a bike, he seems to totally hate that shit. Anyway, another pearl of wisdom to bestow upon you fellow scrappy following motherfuckers. Ya'll walk soft with a big stick, N to the J out!

The Mayo

2008-10-27T20:11:00.002-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen boys and girls children of all ages, I HATE MAYONAISE. Not like on food or just in cooking or on a sandwhich, i mean period. I hate that shit. In every shape form or fashion what so ever. The creamy white gooey smelly whacktastic shit that's craved all over this world by all sorts of people of every shape and size just grosses me out. Now, i have to be on the look out because soon enough that very hate and disgust will be used in a payback owed tome by my brother another, ol pete. You see i pee'd in his spit jug and he got the next morning and started spitting away in it braggin about how much he had already spit in it since he had been up. Little did he know that the night before when he was slinging a deuce and the lady in my life was showering up in the bathroom my drunk ass had no where to take a quick whiz so i implemented the use of his handy jug, but i did throw it in the garbage ince i was done. Now he's is hell bent on giving me the bees-knees, and it will not be pretty by any means of the word. (fo sho) So i got all my 6 sense on high alert to keep that fool in check and my ass out of the mayo. Until then, ya'll stay mellow, and keep your squares in your pocket, n to the j out.

The ho ass popo

2008-10-26T21:23:00.003-04:00

Last night ladies and ladies men, i just so happen to be departing from my good ol pals pete's and i got pulled the fuck over by the sogin around the middle shittin ass copppers. These motherfuckers was trying to sink ya boy any way that they could. First, it was my seatbelt, then my address, then my wife, then it was the dates on my id and registration. The cock stain asks me about the night and how i'm feelin and why i'm out at 2am and if you know bout the fuzz, they keep you talking and try to ocuppy your mind so you can't cover your own ass be a lie or night. It was about this point when he fired up the question routine that i told him straight up that i was a half mexican motherfucker he caught up with at 2 in the moring hoopty ridin with his old lady and that whatever he say that i'm guilty of i was until it came time to the court room and they pull the cameras and check my info and its all good in and under the hood and he was left sittin there kinda stupid lookin so could i have my license back and go the fuck home so i can smoke one and chill out watching season 5 of the aqua teen hunger force. That didnt really work i am sad to say so he ran my girl's license and then my tags, and then kept asking and asking all this lame ass bullshit about nothing and then that cockgobblin dropped my shit on the ground and acted like i was supposed to get out and get it for his overweight ass. Just another ass head who soggy around the middle and got nothing better to do than fuck with a nigga at drop of a hat. (my bad ya'll i sorta hate the motha fuckin man) Its easier to laugh at the shitasses if it you don't end up like one when its all said and done.

the riggermarome

2008-10-24T16:46:00.003-04:00

Cousins and cousinettes, today is gay wet, and coming to a slow end, that hopefully will be at corleones! I gotta get some supplies for the two days that i'm off, and then to top it all off i gotta be back for 3 days of auditing by some people who think we on that bullshit. (fo sho) I was thinking today how tight it has been since the Ang and the Jeffer have departed and went on about there way but it still sux a fat ass cock and half that they had to cut the gun man loose over some bullshit. Its been a weird ass ride aboard the hiltony hilton for this past year and some change. The shenkster still holding on with both hands but she's laid back in her maybach with the night audit. Jay went on to be a copper, and britt ney a few miles down the road at the homewood suites. Then there's the enchanting ms edna, who is as gangsta as gold plated ak 47. She can hold us all down to the ground and never break a sweat or her stride. I do love that ms edna. (fo sho) Of course all the above mentioned still to this day ask about my our old chum. The Gun Man himself. Peace out people. Keep chilling, the best is yet to come.

Nikia vs. the Bum

2008-10-20T19:35:00.004-04:00

Well dames and dudes, I have a special blog in the making coming up soon, it will be titled the return of the granada, the reason i am revealing this to you is because it directly ties in with the blog of the night. You see, i check my fluids in my hoopty pretty regularly, i do my own tune ups and all that jazz. The other night in preparation for the aformentioned blog and return of the g-ride, i had to check and see if i needed transmission fluid and oil, you know the usual, in the midst of all the checking and filling and buying of the fluids, i fucked up and left my dipstick on the hood of the car and rode off into the sunset. Later on while i'm measuring the amount of oil and water all my shit takes i noticed that the dipstick to my transmission is missing! I remeber checking it at the parts house and just rolling out, so i head straight there and ask a co-hort of mine who works there if he had seen one or had one turned in and his only answer was of course no. It dawned on me then that i had set it on the hood so i walk up the street scouring the sides of the road for a sign of it somewhere. Nothing. Then i walk a little further and see it at the corner of Abercorn and montgomery crossroads. As i cut across the road and wait for the light, i see this bum headed my way with his shoppping cart full of cans and as i get closer i see him stop and pick up my distick and put it in with his nice little collection. I sprint the rest of the way and when i get up to him i ask for the dipstick and he kinda this look like i had ask to sniff his arm pit. Then i try to buy it from him, nothing, and i know that bums really like money, so now i'm like-what the fuck? I finally reason with him a few more times and bargain and nothing is gonna make him give me the fucker back so, i tore open the bag and grab the buggy so he can't run, but the shitass rams me so I socked him in his old bum mouth. (it was nasty too) A little push pull and shove, and i emerge victorious and slightly baffled as to how the hell this dipstick lead up to all this shit. So, there you have it, be on the look out for the return, its slightly apace. Ya'll wash your hands if you're cooking. Nikia J out.

Ken..... by request only

2008-10-10T08:52:00.004-04:00

Hello again good folks and folkettes. today we are going to be talking about a man by the name of ken. and he is so totally awesome you can only get him by request. and sometimes not even then. but the real mystery here is not who ken was or what was he about. but how powerful is that mustache he is sporting. it looks like its up there in the power ratings. if i was to create a power rating right now and it used a number system to categorize the power ratings ken would have a ten. you probably thought i was going to say eleven like a lot of asswipes will do to emphasize how something is very something. but that just pisses people off. how can breast be an 11 out of 10? its just not possibly. how can an ass be a 150 in a scale of 1-100? it just doesnt work. no matter how awesome the ass is. if it has to be a 150 then it should be on a scale of 1-150. thats what ken thinks anyhow. how do i know this you say. well i made the request for ken and i got it. also i have been searching and hunting for answers to this mystery of ken by request only and i think i have finally found my answers. if you didnt already know it ken is sort of a celebrity for producing what is widely regarded as the worst album cover of all time. and everyone was asking if ken was real and if so where is he. well here are all the answers you could ever need. ever.

The man they call "steak"

2008-10-07T17:29:00.002-04:00

So today ya'll i'm chizzilling in the back of the ol hiltony hilton and what should i see but an old friend of mine from way back in the day, we will be leaving his name out of the blogusphere just to keep him on the up and up. (warrants-i mean you know) Anyhow, his nickname has always been Steak. (Grab a beverage) Me and this cat use to blow the walls off the barracks back in my contractor days. Every single day this man had a bologne and cheese sandwhich, and every day he ate it with a tall thermos full of kool-aid. Some days there was grape, some days cherry, lime, even orange. One day he even had "ghetto aid" a mixture of pineapple juice and one pack of kool aid with less sugar and twice the taste! (that shit is the shit) So i ask this cat why the hell is his nick name steak. Now bear in mind this guy is the Debo of the demolition crew, one time we were pulling glue down carpet up off the floor and when it was real stuck down we would hit him up for some of that muscle to get the job done and he would easily crack the cement when he pulled that shit up. So when i ask and he gives me this look like "bitch i'll kill you" and i kinda wanna get the fuck away from him but this is my compadre, we been the only two to stick it out in this hard ass labor job and i ain't trying to get with a niggas nerves and make him vamoose. But he just pulls out his samich and says "look here killa" and i see the bologne and the cheese and totally miss the meaning. Then he informs me of how no one else but him is on that bologne and how its his favorite cold-cut and his boys and other co-workers started that nickname due to the fact that he ate like a king since his favorite shit was bologne, and it was like having a steak everyday for lunch. And there it was, steak, big mean somoan, and full of that beef bologne. Having solved the mystery i give my homie a square and proceed to devour my pizza. This dude was also the first guy to tell me that i'm hateful, like my words could kill a nigga, and that i had a big nose. ( I think he called it a schnoz) Good times. Ya'll be cool, and hide the sac.

The Really Big Questions

2008-10-07T13:11:00.003-04:00

Good afternoon team and welcome back for yet another enlightened experience. today we arent here to joke around and play grab ass as we usually. oh no today is a day of big questions that have answers but what they are i do not know. we are going to talk about the future. at least what i will be doing in the future. i have decided that i do not so much like my job here at the sheraton anymore. mainly because they arent giving me full time anymore. if it werent for that small fact we wouldnt even be talking about this right now. basically i have two ideas that i have been kicking around for a little while now. first off since i came back from college i have been trying to get into my buddies dads warehouse. it would be sweet a bunch of my buddies from back in the day work there, i get paid good money, and i dont ever have to work on the weekends unless i want to. additionally i would never have to work on a holiday again. so that is a good choice but i have to wait at least two months before i can go over there which would mean two more shitty months here. and i gotta make money. so i have been thinking about perhaps becoming the man. yes thats right i might join the coast guard. this wouldnt be so bad actually. i like swimming and boating. i would get sweet health insurance and all the other good insurances, plus i butt load of money. and if i get my way i could be in the coast guard right here in my hometown and that would be sweet because they dont ever do shit. not like the guys in miami chasing off the cubans and stuff. oh no i might give out some boating drunk tickets and maybe a warning for not having enough life jackets. but other than that i would chill and if i know how they work out there, and i do, i would get shitty alot. and i am ok with that. the only bad thing of course is the training you have to do. but since i am already a billy badass it shouldnt be a big problem. the worst part of course is all the things i do now that i wouldnt be able to do anymore like chilling out and getting down on the get down. also all the training places are in cold weather climates so that would be shitty too. but as they say you gotta break some eggs to make an omelet. hopefully one of those eggs isnt my skull.

Nikia Jonez vs. The Marine

2008-10-06T19:00:00.004-04:00

Ladies and ladies-men, carnies thugs and hobo's, Nikia motha fuckin jonez ridin high once again to bring you the word roun da campfire. This tale begins at a little crosswalk in the downtown area, me and my boy are ridin deep and dirty, i pulls up in my truck and a dude shouts at me causing me to think that i hit him when i pulled up too close too the crosswalk. I get out to find that this douche is just straight tow up from the floe up, i ask if i hit him and never got the answer, instead i got a 250 pound Marine. (straight out on on leave) He starts spittin some 2.00 words from his .50 cent mouth piece and throws a sloppy right hook in my direction. A little duck here and stick-n-move there and we were rolling down the cobblestone throwing them thangs like chipper jones. We hit the bottom of the ramp and get to our feet just to start throwing them again, I got a good right cross on the jaw and the took one on the chin, after the initial sting i kinda lost my cool and did every thing i could to open his head with my mits and a nice rock. I look up to find that at least 20 people are watching the whole thing go down and some one yells out "police" so it went from all of them to just me and this guy holding each other by the throats and getting ready to seal the deal. Being as fast on my feet as I am with the hands, I got low and took an ankle, as soon as he was on his back I see the christmas lights and give him a good stomp on the bread basket, fight over and jaw hurting i got the fuck outta dodge. This fool is stagering and bumping into shit and set off a car alarm on a niggas honda! Kenny, who had to jump out the window due to the lack of a door handle, had been neck-n-neck with some of the other Ohio swags that were with this pantywaste. So we rode off into the night with PO-PO screaming "where you going?" But as you can see, we was dirty and had to hit a lick or two, ya'll be easy and keep ya dukes up.

The Coolest Song Ever?

2008-10-01T09:06:00.004-04:00

Whenever i hear that song from ferris buellers day off i think of coolness. you know which one i am talking about. the one with no words that is just totally awesome. i would try to type out the sounds but actually seeing the noises in words would probably be too much to handle. well i thought that would take a little longer to explain so ill give you a short run down on my nice relaxing weekend. i did some canoeing on saturday and it was splendid. the went home just in time to watch our glorious bulldogs getting stomped during their own black out. i went to bed at half time part from being saddened by my beloved dawgs but also the sun exposure in the canoe and plenty o' beverages down the old hatch. then on sunday same thing pretty much but in between canoeing and football there was sakura. if you are not familiar with the sakura then good. when we went it was totally packed and we got the last table. i hate it when i want the only sunday happy hour down town and i dont get my sake prompt. i am there for a reason. i show up at the last hour and expect to drink at least 3 or 4 bottles of hot sake and if they dont get their fast enough i have to pay the regular price and i dont like that. anyhow i just id let yall in on those amazing facts, until next time watch your ass and keep your back to the wall.

Swinger Magazines

2008-09-30T12:58:00.005-04:00

At one my previous jobs i was a clerk. but now just any kind of clerk i was a movie store clerk. we also had comic books and "The Romance Section". you have to say that last part with a eerie tone in your voice. it was especially cool because i felt like i was in the movie clerks. plus we had it all. cokes (not shitty ass pepsi), movies on the tv, and free posters. also we had an array of other special things. we had figuines like wolverine and spawn, but we also had one of freddie mercury and elvis. plus we had some porn stars buttholes and poo nannys molded in rubber or something. we also had one that was a face but it didnt look like a person, or at least not a real person it was more of a sailor moon type face. either way it was a cartoon face you could put your dong in. although i think most guys buying that type of stuff would call there a little dingy. but this brings us to our main point. the swinger magazines. first off the fact that these things exist and people actually pay money for them is amazing, then you add to that the fact that people put ads in these books with all their shit hanging out. and yes of course i had the time to look at each one just for cheap laughs. i mean these magazines arent national books with people from all over the nation. oh no these are our own home grown georgia and south carolina pervs who are sitting at their homes with their cocks in their hands and all of a sudden they decide they would like a little companionship. so they go out and buy one of these magazines (probably from some other dirty store) and they look though it and anyone who looks appealing they call up and see if they want to get down. but maybe this doesnt work so they say well hell, why dont i put my picture in this here book for all the purty young ladies to gander at. so that is exactly what they do. they get out there best hat and shades and strip off everything else and start top shooting their photos. this is where i take a moment out to apologize to the poor picture makers looking at every photo that they print for a glimpse of some good nakedness bu instead get redneck with mullet naked below his eyes with his little dingy hanging out or maybe in his hand for all the world to see. but what can you say , sometimes you have to take the good with the bad. anyhow i suppose thats enough details about the swingers down here in the good old dirty dirty. but hey these are my peeps and i will defend to the death their right to photograph themselves in the nude and then put it into magazines. as long as they pictures dont make their way to my magazines.

The Bullshit

2008-09-29T20:53:00.003-04:00

Alright then, you guys gotta know bout some bullshit in someway or another, so tonight i have decided to put some bulls shit in a not so organized list that burns me up or in just general is some bullshit all the way around.

-Fleas
-Scientology
-Fur trappers
-Neutering
-Plastic cleats
-Internet blocks
-Colored toilet paper
-Toe Jam
-Knee socks
-Navy Blue Socks
-Hoes -Fake Piercings
-Leaky Pens
-Parking meters
- Meter maids
-Bad plumbing
-Peanut butter-no jelly
-Shock treatment
-ask jeeves
-crocs (yeah those plastic ass wannabe shoes)
-replica guns
-the jews
-cornucopias
-midget porn
-crunchy peanbutter
-synthetic chocolate
-that guy from the snickers commercial(great oogly moogly)-i mean come on no one eats a candy bar so slow that they get stuck in place even if the chic on the bill board is hot enough to stare till your eyes bleed.
-rusty nails
-pink shirts (on dudes)
-the price of a bentley
-particle accelerators
-the energizer bunny
-purple peeps
-P diddys rappin
-hollow trees
-hot steering wheel
-rayon boxers (makes your pubes staticy)
-bubble gum toothpaste
-cake flavored ANYTHING (i mean just eat some fuckin cake)
-Amazon.com -blown speakers
-masking tape (what the hell does it mask, its white tape mane)
-sour milk
-guys with rattails
-honey comb
-MULLETS!!!!!!!!
-yellow jackets
-kidney stones
well guys and gals, that's all ya get, like the great Houdini says, we gotta leaves ya wanting more. So..... Keep yo groceries bags with the umbrellas, Nikia out.

The poopie

2008-09-25T18:19:00.003-04:00

So lets face it, we all do it, and don't none of it smell good, and some are even ashamed! The duece slinging. No need to be afraid, I'm just gonna help get the mysteries solved as to what kind of duece ya slang, now don't et me wrong some of the mystery will remain, but now certain cases can be labeled if necessary. First: you hear the "plop" of victory but upon "inspecting the load" there is none but the charmin's got the chocolate stain, you my friend have just taken a phantom poopie! Now lets say you go, and the load is intact but the paper has no proof, you have just taken the disapearing poopie! (The scariest of all). Now if you go and you get the plop, and there's no load, no stain, and no smell, its the invisible poopie! Now you have the tools and the knowledge, you were born with the "know-how" so do it big, or just do't do it cousin! I gotta get up outta this piece we'll catch ya'll all on the flip side.

Leakin

2008-09-24T21:36:00.002-04:00

Well, gals and gal pals, let me get to the vernacular first and foremost. When the phrase comes up that "so and so has good kidneys" it simply means that they are untrustworthy or just can't keep there mouth shut. The reasoning: good kidneys filter out the bad and flush it from your body, where as a loud mouth will filter out the good and spill or "leak" out all the bad. So with that outta the way, please allow me the pleasure to upload certain pertaining to a hussie with some good ass kidneys. Now the person in question is not that cool at all in any shape form or fashion what so ever. This person embarrasses herself to the point that people cringe as she opens her mouth, on top of the fact that if you are a person who has no temperament you eventually develop one dealing with this schlub. Now the reason i have enlighten you with the leakin and the cringing is that this idiot told a few folks around the job that we are an "item" so to speak, and some of you as well as EVERYBODY at the job knows, I am a happily married man. So you can only imagine the riot and the vescious laughter at the sound of such a thing. The thing I am more interested in is letting the wifey hear about it and see if she would indulge me in reciprocating on the matter. It would be a timeless moment in the life and times of the man known as Nikia jonez. (fuck yeah). any how, i'm outta this piece, ya'll keep the thrilla in manilla.

Awesome

2008-09-24T12:40:00.006-04:00

Today folks id like to take a little time to talk about the picture at the top of the blog with the guys from star wars rocking out. probably to black betty by ramjam or maybe schools out by alice cooper. they sure do look like they are having a good time. chewbacca appears to be wailing on those drums and han surely appears to be doing some intricate guitar work. and just look at luke face, the concentration on his fingerwork. impeccable. he is probably just thinking about all the groupie ass he is going to get after the show. you know darth has got some bitches lined up. probably one of everykind even. darth knows how to play some bass. and c3po and r2d2 have got the keyboards no problem. they can even play that song from big. it surely looks awesome, just as the saying below indicates. what i wouldnt give to be there for that show.

Cruisin for a Bruisin

2008-09-23T21:22:00.004-04:00

Well sportsfans, the time hath come to lay it down to the ground, so lets begin with the butterfingered shit ass known as Tony Romo, what the hell is that dudes problem, I'm no professional anything, but I can throw a football to the right guy, and I damn sure can hold on to one if the time comes and i think i need to take it on the chin, or just take a fuckin knee! Now that that's out of the way, let us venture just a little further into the life and times of the man some know as nikia jonez. I got a sweet DVD set in the mail and I am now the proud owner of all the godfathers, a must own amongst G's who keep it gangsta. I learned the meaning of W.O.P. from these movies as a kid, and I remember the guy who wakes up with a horse head in his bed so i got them on VHS, after a few moves it got lost and I kept it in the back of mymind as "one of those things to get" since i officially got to check it off the list, i move to the next item, my kimono, but thats another story for another time. If however you do't like the godfather, then i got this 11.5 puma to break off in your fecal dispursing unit. (yo ass) The godfather is one of francis ford coppola's best work, the second one, Deniro and Pachino, you can't go wrong with the best of the best in one flick mane. I did hear that a new movie is coming out with deNiro and Pacino, but why the wait, those fuckers should've been i gang of movies by now. Along the way of getting the trilogy of trilogies, my girl copped a volvo, a stick shift at that, its not a bad car either, it gets some good ass mileage and the clutch is one of those sweet hydraulic ones that don't go out hardly ( or at least from personal experiences they don't). The other cool thing, I got to throw down some spades at the ol hilton, rod was chilling in his sandals ( deleting image) giving the speech, giving out stuff and 20 cards at the parkers, and me and the misses schooling some poor fools on the game of spades. A wise man once said that all alone is all we are, I learned today just what he meant, its a tight ass saying for tight ass moments so to speak. Ya'll hold it down and turn the stove off.

Canoe trips and busted ankles

2008-09-23T09:07:00.004-04:00

Whats up gang. not a whole lot has been going on lately hence the lack of typity typing. but i do have a couple of good things to tell you fine folks about. maybe a week ago my good friend B.H. got an 18 foot canoe. so we strapped it to the top of the buick and headed off to the creek to do a little rowing and let toby the dog have a good old time. and we did just that. we got in the water and did some swimming had some beers and run around on the mud banks. next time i plan to take myself a bucket and load up on some oysters. oysters sure are tasty. since then good old B.H. got into a fight in a bar and now has a busted nose and two black eyes. but as they say you shoulda seen the other guy. also i related news my good pal cracka lackin got put in the slammer although he doesnt remember why, so today we await the police report for all the good details. also the other day i managed to miss a couple of steps at my house as i was headed down to the sidewalk and i severely shredded my ankle. it is coming along well now that it doesnt look like i am walking on a grapefruit. although standing at work all day surely doesnt help. i suppose that is all for now but as you will see soon are have already seen i am going to attempt a papa smurf paint picture so keep watching and reading and you wont befall the same fate as those oh so awful non readers.

On your toes????????

2008-09-17T20:24:00.003-04:00

Dames and dudes, lets be real, life ain't getting no easier, and it sure ain't come with no guide or owner's manual, the truth is, you gotta do what you gotta do to not just make it, but to survive. I mean Darwin said it best "survival of the fittest". I mean motherfuckers toting guns to the club, and some seem to think that when they bought their piece, they stop making guns, which is far from the truth, very fuckin far. Then you gotta be aware of those around you who aren't really all up in your piece to show you love or to share comradry. There's too many fake ass people who will adorn themselves as a G or even a wise guy and not know the first damn thing about the way shit really works. I myself have found these people the easiest to spot when the ocasion comes that they must put up or shut up and they all fall silent. Silent as sheep. Then you have people who some refer to as "posers" but i refrain as much as i can from using that particular word due to the fact that most of the time, you yourself are passing judgement by declaring them so. In my mind it seems that death has got to be easy cause life so hard, but in the meantime I'm still gonna live by death before dishonor. This has been Nikia Jone$ people, willing dealing and chilling, ya'll keep a coolie, and don't leave the keys in the ride. Peace.

The Gum Man

2008-09-15T09:04:00.005-04:00

Hello and howdy once again fellow scraptonians. Today we are here to discuss something that was in mr jones last blog. in what may have been a typing error or maybe not he called me the gum man. i thought wow what is i was made of gum what could i do where would i go? who would i show my gumminess off to? would it be at all like an episode of the gummi bears? one of the sweetest shows ever. i think i would wear a super suit when i went out crime fighting at night. it would be yellow so the bad guys can see me real good in the dark. i would be like mr fantastic or whatever thay guy from the fantastic 4's name is. but i would smell like original flavow gum and i would be delicious. the places i would go are endless. into sewers to fight armies of ratmen. to egypt to tangle with mummies (thats a good pun right there i tell you what) i would go to islands with secret underground lairs and super villians. also i would go to paris and eat snails. i would go to the crazy countries in the far east and eat some cocks combs and pigeon eggs and lizard bbq. it would be awesome. as for who i would off to the answer is simple. women. i would do my strechy thing and they would all scream and say Ooooh and Ahhhh. also i would have a tickertape parade on my birthday. and on every other holiday i so deem fit. well gang until i have another stroke of brilliance take it slow and easy until you are ready for some action. oh yea

The Annoyance(s)

2008-09-13T21:10:00.004-04:00

Alright fuckers, another day another dollar and all that jazz. But fear not the bloggin has begun, and they ain't shit you can do to stop it. It's like a tsunami headed for an island, its just gonna hit and fuck up a bunch of shit all at once and with no warning. (SUCKA) But there will be the focal point, the moment of truth if you will, and that moment has descended upon you as you read these very words. First, you shitty smellin non reading ass hoe faced dooky breath cake eaters, you are on the list tonight with a vengeance! Let us focus even further into the void, those non-driving ass hippies. Not using your blinker is almost the same as lying, I totally want to kick a motherfuckers ass for some punk shit like slowing the fuck for what seems to be no reason at all and at the last minute make there little turn and look back at you whenyou give them the finger like you're the one fucking up. Even more so are the panty waste cock goblins who pull out and cut you off just turn off the road to go to the store! (shit asses). I guess all in all, these cheese toast weak asses got it coming, for the non driving ass people, removal of the feet, then we'll see just how much gas and brake pedal disasters they can cause, the non readers, I got a long list of mothers ready for a good visit from yours truly and the gum man himself who will be packing that heat. (Like body heat, pants heat, momma heat) and the nastiness will be begin there of. The rest of you annoying ass crybaby douche bags, stay the fuck away from nikia jones, and the gum man, or else it will go down like a plane crash. (only in your hood or your front yard, or worse, yo momma's house). For now, you get off easy, but not that easy, so suck a dick and like it, and if you don't like Big Red, well then fuck you. Nikia out.

Its 2008 Isnt it great.

2008-09-10T11:43:00.003-04:00

This year has been a pretty damn good year so far. things have been going good at home and at the workplace. the blog is coming on very strong and i have put lots of important things off to get done later. first what has been so good here at home? obviously it was hot and that is freaking awesome. also we had a close shave with a hurricane but it missed us and all we got was a little rain. no two days of rain and not even a sighting of the sun. just a long constant drizzle. as for the good times at the workplace, i have a new job that is awesome and in a mere 2months of working here i managed to convince them to let me work in the day time. how sweet is that? very sweet is the answer. like sugar cover in caramel. next of course is the newfound stature of the blog in the blog community. we have almost had 1000 people visit us and that is just cool. i mean who knew there were so many people out there with not a damn thing to do but look at our nonsense. although it is high quality nonsense and some of the material has morals. but mostly poo jokes and fat kid jokes and cursing. also we are almost to the 300th post. since i managed to somehow do the 100th and 200th the next is up to mr jones. i am sure he has something good cooking for it too. maybe an adventure story or maybe some pictures from paint. i have some more paintings played for yall to enjoy. next will probably be garfield. and maybe even a homegrown comic straight from my brain onto the paint game. so until then be easy on the peasy and never go japanesey.

MC Chris

2008-09-09T20:47:00.002-04:00

Alright killas, i got a good'un as we tend to say from time to time here in the dirty dirty. If you have never heard of MC Chris then left this blog be an inspiration to you all, the song I'm petting up is one of my personal favorites. I hope you too will enjoy it you to will enjoy it to the fullest, I do every time i hear it.

Cruisin' Mos Espa in my Delorian, War's over I'm a peacetime Mandalorian. My story has stumped star wars historians Deep in debate buffet plate at Bennigans. Rhyme renegade sure to penetrate First and second defense I won't hesitate. Got a job to do Darth's the guy that delegates. Got something against Skywalker someone he really hates. I don't give a fuck. I'm after Solo For all I care he could be hiding at Yoda's dojo. Gotta make the money, credit's no good When the Jawas run the shop in your neighborhood. Think you can cook? I got a grappling hook. Let's make this quick coz I'm really booked. I'm a devious degenerate, defender of the devil, Shut down all the trash compactors on the detention level. My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face. I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down. I'm a question wrapped inside an enigma, Get inside the Slave One, find your homing signal, From Endor to Hoth, Ripley to Spock, I'll find what you want, but there's gonna be a cost. Say my name is Boba Fett. I know my shit is tight. Start not acting right, you're frozen in carbonite. Got telescopic sight, flame throwers on my wrist. You still don't get the jist? Spiked boots are made to kick, Targets are made to hit. You think I give a shit? Your mama is a bitch! I'll see you in the Sarlaac pit. You just flipped my switch, integrity been dissed. You scratchin on my itch. You know I shoot the gift. Got bambinas at cantinas waitin to lick my lusty lips, So I'll let you get back inside you're little space ship, Give you a head start, coz I'm the sporting kind. Consider the starting line the sneaky smile I hide inside. Hope you have hyper drive, pray to stay alive. Don't try to slip me a five coz I never take a bribe, To the beat of a different drummer, bad ass bounty hunter, Let no man put asunder or else they be put under, As in six feet. Got an imperial fleet Backing me up. Gonna blow up any attempt to defeat. They got the Death Star, got four payments on my car, Hand it over to Hammer head at Mos Eisley bar. He used to carjack, now he's a barback Just goes to show how you can get back on the right track. As for me that's not an option, can't say that with more clarity. Me going legit would be like Jar Jar in speech therapy. My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. I chill in deep space, a mask is over my face. I deliver the prize but I still narrow my eyes Coz my time I don't like to waste. Get down. Slice you open like a tauntaun, faster than the Autobahn, Or a motorbike in Tron, do the deed and then I'm gone. Jaba has a hissyfit, contact Calrissian, Over a Colt, the plan unfolds, no politic is legit. Back in the day when I was a slave Living life in the fast lane like in a pod race, My mean streak tweaked I became a basket case So this space ace split that place poste haste. Took up a noble cause called the Clone Wars Coz life's not all about girls and cars, Getting fucked up in fucked up bars, See I'm not a retard or gay like DeBarge. I'm large and in charge with a face so scarred, A cold black heart that's been torn apart. The Sith wish that they had a dick so hard Coz it's long, long ago in a pussy far, far. Call me "master," coz I'm faster than Pryor on fire I no longer have to hot wire. I'm a hunter for hire with no plans to retire, And all the sucka MC's can call me "Sire"! My backpack's got jets. I'm Boba the Fett. I bounty hunt for Jabba Hutt to finance my 'Vette. Well, it came out all lumped up but its a song to treasure for years to come. If you don't like it, well then fuck you. (its still all good though)

The Candy

2008-09-06T21:49:00.004-04:00

Todays' blog was brought to you by the letter "M" and by the mind of the man I commonly refer to as the gun man himself. Lets get down to it. CANDY. My wife's addicted to it, little kids love it, and adults but it for them all. BUT- not this nigga here. You can all have that tooth ache sugar coated spastic attack causing shitty flavored kiddie crack. Candy these days is just shitty shit. I do recall a certain period of time in which i was totally into the candy thing, but it was always twizzlers and starburst. Other than that i drank pepsi and mountain dew. I tried to get into the sour patch kids and the gummy bears and the gummy worms, but to no avail, all this new candy has one thing in common: high fructose corn syrup, and sugar. The toothaches and stickiness, fuck all that shit. I'm more partial to chocolate cupcakes, and pumpkin pie, even fruit salad, or just a banana. (not to mention ice cream) But no candy, I see these suckers that go your finger and the paintbrush lollipop that you dip into the colored "powered" and paint your tounge. Back in the day we had the dum dums and we dipped them in a kool-aid package. (ghetto) Some times we got the lemon sucker in the crackly thing and dipped them in that and then there was coconut yoo-hoo. I have yet to see that anywhere anymore. The end of the blog is near. Before we get to that, lets get this straight, fuck candy, it doesn't even taste as good as the old skool stuff when it was the real deal holyfield. But all in all, the shit is bogus as hell. I gotta get the fuck up outta this piece, ya'll hold it down and keep it real, and buy some land. Nikia J is out.

Little Kids and Dirty Jokes

2008-09-06T20:12:00.003-04:00

Well hello again and welcome once again to this edition of scrappys. Today we are here to discuss the things of childhood. and if you are where i am from it involves lots of dirty stories. nothing particularly disgusting. for example the story of the little buy who takes a shower with his dad and asks him what his thing is( we always said thing or stuff that way if anyone overheard us they didnt really know what we were talking about.) and his dad says its a limousine or a Cadillac or some kind of car and then the next night he showers with his mom and asks her what her stuff is and she says its a garage. and then later that night they are in bed and the little boy is there to and he says mommy you better watch out dads limo is headed straight for the garage. or its snake and some bushes or anything else similar to that outline. i think i first heard one of these similar stories when i was in first grade. then of course there is the notorious sand paper sally story. its at the bottom of that blog. i think i learned that one by heart by 4th grade.then of course as we all know little boys will get into things and me and my friends apparently had a knack for finding dirty magazines all over the place. inside of boats in a garage, under beds, in closets. this one time we were at my hombres house and we were looking for something, not anything dirty probably some change for some food. anyhow my friend has got his hand up at the top of my other friends brothers closet and all of a sudden he yells" whoa!" and we ask what happened and he said" i touched something that felt funny" so of course at this point we couldnt let it go until we knew what it was. so somehow we manage to get it down and do you know what it was? a pocket pussy. although i will never know why it was called that as it wouldnt fit in your pocket. anyhow this thing was all long and skin colored and made of some crazy rubber. we made fun of his brother for days. of course he denied it was his or that he had ever used it. well gang i know that was an odd one but very necessary in understanding the mind of a Tommy. until next time keep pondering what you're pondering and next time ill have my plan to take over the world.